Some Community Thoughts

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Anyone who knows me knows that I'm a cynic. Sometimes this comes across as playing Devil's Advocate, but I can assure you that I don't ever do that. For the past few months, it seems that things have come across my path that have thrown me for a bit of a wild ride. I was the Incoming Co-Chair of an organization, and was forced to step down for varying reasons. I had a number of people I trusted betray me. I learned of a new group, called MDHL, which stands for "Male Dominant Heterosexual Leather."

Let me talk a little bit about my cynicism, and in order to do so, I'll just link you to this writing: https://fetlife.com/users/711200/posts/3327402

I wonder, why did they not believe these people who spoke up? Yet in my own community, it takes the words of people who have more of a following to be believed. I won't link to those writings of my own local community, but I'm sure you all know the ones I'm talking about. The person who about five or so people spoke up against. And yet, when my girl speaks up against someone, she gets gaslighted and told that they weren't so bad.

So yes, I'm a cynic. I'm a positive person, for the most part, but I have a healthy dose of cynicism that will make me not trust you unless you show me, time and time again, that I can. I'm closed off and quite abrasive, and I'm not interested in sharing my life story with anyone who isn't in my family or chosen family, which only includes two people aside from my girl.

But let me talk about how I feel about the MDHL group. It was a post on Facebook asking why such a group exists. And I have to wonder, why does such a group not only exist, but have such a following? That's neither here nor there, however. What I feel is wrong is how the group claims to be marginalized, without truly saying that.

Removing Dominant and Leather from the equation, heterosexual men are simply not marginalized. They are one of the greatest represented group of people in media and in culture. Now let's put back the Dominant title. It's no surprise that the leading literature of our lifestyle, whether we like it or not, was Fifty Shades of Grey. It was beyond mainstream literature and it's no coincidence that the couple was heterosexual and male-led.

How many mainstream stories have you read that you can speak to anyone, either in the lifestyle or outside of it, and they will know its title? Will they know Coming to Power? Will they know of Ask the Man Who Owns Him? No, they won't. And it isn't because these titles aren't popular, and it isn't a coincidence that these titles are non-het.

On BOLD's website, MDHL's need is expressed as being "nowhere in particular," i.e. not represented in any culture in specific.

But I have seen at my local dungeon the overwhelming numbers of male-led, heterosexual dynamics. Tell me again how they are nowhere, when everywhere I look, they are there. The only way that anyone can have a space of their own, without that particular group present, is to make more private spaces, like gay leather clubs. Forgive me if my words strike you as punitive. They're not. I'm in what appears to be a very heterosexual, typical, male-led dynamic with my girl. I'll assure you that we're incredibly queer, and honestly, I'm not going to tell you how or why, but we're not typical.

I just find it interesting how, time and time again, the groups with large following are those that are already largely represented in our society. The nail in the coffin is where they claim that the LGBT community is their ally, not the other way around. Why would heterosexuals need allies? What are they fighting for if not for the rights that others are not granted?

Note, there's nothing I have personally against this group. I just find it...interesting. There's a lot more that I could say on the subject in regards to feminist and queer theory and why it's harmful that such a group would congregate, but I'll leave it at this. There's nothing wrong with coming together with a common goal, and I'm sure they've served what they feel is a great need in the community, but to do so without questioning why is fishy to me.

Pony Play Whip by Doc Johnson

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Surprise, surprise! Doc Johnson makes things on the edgier side of kink.

When I saw these pony play "whips" years ago on Edenfantasys, I contemplated their purchase for a long time — as someone incredibly into pony play gear, they seemed a little off. Doc Johnson markets the plugs as dual-intended for flagellation purposes as well as for use as cute little pony plugs for wear, but I feel that these are better suited solely to people who are interested in low-priced options for pony play (certainly not for show ponies). As someone who doesn't have the money to spend on genuine horsehair plugs, I figured, "These will do, for now."

The disgusting plastic string.
Sadly, the smaller version (the one that isn't "royal," apparently) doesn't really cut it in that department. In fact, it hardly cuts it as an anal plug at all. The plugs are constructed with a rubber skin that is shaped into a traditional teardrop/arrowhead plug shape. On the end of each of the plugs are these wiry, plastic strings that are supposed to represent horsehair. How they could think that these plugs are good for pony play, I don't know — they aren't even the nice synthetic hair that you may see on some products (stuffed animals or wigs, to name a few).

On the note of material, there is this odd, hollow sensation when the plug is grabbed (this is not as prevalent with the regular Pony Play Whip). It almost feels like the core that holds the faux plastic string (I refuse to call it faux horsehair) was made too small, and as such, it sits away from the outer rubber skin. Very strange. Additionally, the scent of the plugs is horrendous. I keep them in a plastic bag, and it still does not really make the scent go away (I've had them for years, mind you, and they still smell just as terrible as they did when I got them). Since the plugs are rubber, they cannot be sanitized. Rubber is, sadly, porous, and as such can harbor bacteria and STDs. The safest best is to use a condom during use in the case of switching between partners (and it is also a good idea to keep from stored bacteria). Any regularly sized condom or toy cover would do with the plugs.

If you do choose to buy either one of the plugs from anywhere other than Edenfantasys (they are discontinued — I wonder why), keep in mind that storing the plugs is difficult due to the string. I have to hang the plug upside down just to keep the hair straight (I really should toss them at this point, they're more trouble than they're worth).

To get 15% your total order, enter my partner code B5P at your checkout!
product picture
Butt plug by Doc Johnson
Material: Rubber
Safety:
This product was provided free of charge to the reviewer.
product picture
Butt plug by Doc Johnson
Material: Rubber
Safety:


Pony Play Whip
The pony play whip is a sad excuse for both a plug and a whip. It doesn't really do either job very well. A plug is expected to do a few things: stay in during use, feel good, and be satisfying. This plug does none of those, and in fact becomes more frustrating than pleasurable. During wear, it consistently slips out due to the poor excuse for a neck. Because the neck is practically the same diameter as the largest point of the plug, it has no hope for staying in during wear. I do not know who designed this plug, but whoever did should seriously consider getting out of the sex toy business. Poor design all around.

As for the "whip" feature (which makes no sense because the name implies that it is for pony play), the plastic-y strings are not conducive for any form of whipping. Especially not when the plug has already frustrated the person who wore it. The last thing I would want to do is beat my girl with a whip when she's already uncomfortable because a plug simply wouldn't stay in, and I don't know who really would (unless you're that kind of sadistic, which I'm not). I'm still trying to figure out what the intent of this toy is — is it supposed to be a whip, is it supposed to be a tail?

Because it attempts to be too much, sadly, it fails on every single level. It isn't a whip. It isn't a pony tail. It is not even a plug. It is literally a waste of space and a waste of money. If you are still interested in purchasing this sad excuse for a toy, below are some of the specifications.
  • 3 ¾" total insertable length
  • 2 ½" plug length
  • 3/8" diameter at thinnest point of plug
  • 7/8" diameter at widest point of plug
  • ¾" diameter at neck


Pony Play Whip Royal
The royal plug has a much better design than the regular plug, simply because it has an actual neck that works (the neck is not almost the same size as the plug itself, like the regular pony play plug). It has a teardrop design and a wide enough base to make it safe for use anally. This shape either works for you or it doesn't. Some people find it incredibly uncomfortable, while others thing that it is the best thing known to humankind. In my experiences, the pointed edge and slow taper does nothing but become uncomfortable over extended periods of time.

Which brings me to a problem with the Pony Play Whip Royal. It isn't really comfortable for extended wear. Perhaps I've been spoiled by nJoy plugs, but come on, it really could be a bit better. All of the weight of this type of shape plug is at the bottom, near the wearer's opening. While this does give a "full" feeling, it also can become really uncomfortable, really fast (almost feels like it will come out from what my partner said). However, that being said, it is still a huge improvement from the Pony Play Whip. The royal, at the very least, works as a plug. Below are some of the specifications for the Pony Play Whip Royal.
  • 4 ¾" total insertable length
  • 3 ½" plug length
  • ½" diameter at thinnest point of plug
  • 1 ½" diameter at widest point of plug
  • ¾" diameter at neck

My Thoughts on Punishment

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I do not punish, first of all, without telling the person what they did wrong. I tell them what the action was, what the wrong was, if they don’t understand, then they better ask because my hand or paddle or cane is coming down and it’s coming down soon.

As I stated, I cannot stand punishment. I cannot stand giving it, I cannot stand thinking of it. It hurts me more than it usually hurts my girls or boys. It upsets me. I dislike it. I sometimes end up crying after giving it. I’m a huge softie.

But it’s necessary, it must be done. I mostly do corporal punishment because that’s how I work - I want punishment quick, painful, and to end. I need it to have an end, otherwise, mentally, I cannot get over the hurdle. My s-type needs to as well - they need that ending stage.

I do not cuddle or coddle them after punishment. They get it, they count along with my strikes, and then it ends. I stop, tell them to get up, and go do something. I do not look them in the eyes. I do not hug them. They go do something service-related and then, later, after they have calmed and I have come down from the pain of administering punishment, I hold them and say, “It’s over. You won’t do it again, and we will prevent this from happening.”

My goal with my s-types is to prevent punishment. To prevent my anger, to serve me in a way that will calm me and keep me in that state of mind. If they harm the balance, then they have harmed me and they are deserving of punishment. If they break a rule, then they are to be punished. If they speak out of turn or are disrespectful, then they are to be punished. Period, end of discussion.

There are plenty of punishment methods that can be administered. Corporal is the one that most think of, but there are assignment-given punishments, grating tasks, making a person do something they’re not fond of, “The Corner,” ignoring the s-type, treating the s-type as an object and not as a human being (example: not looking them in the eyes when they are furniture, using them as a table and not in a loving way). But as always, for me, it must fit what’s been done. I’m not going to give someone 100 strikes of the cane if they’ve simply greeted me incorrectly or walked on the wrong side of me. I will more than likely guide them first, say something along the lines of, “girl/boy, do I need to remind you how to greet me?” or, “Walk on my right side, not my left.” It is their response to that simple correction that will determine the severity of the punishment.

Hopefully this clarifies some of my thoughts on punishment. But again, punishment is punishment. It isn’t play, it isn’t a joke, it isn’t fun. It is not fun. It is not supposed to be fun. If an s-type enjoys punishment, then again, this is not the lifestyle for them. That’s not being a submissive. That’s being a manipulative brat who likes to push people’s buttons. And it’s painful, and it’s hurtful.

Stop acting like the victim with your “safewords” on punishment. You hurt your Owner, you hurt your Dominant with your misbehavior, and now you need to deal with the consequences. If you do not trust my judgment as your Dominant to give the proper punishment fitting the action, then you should not be with me. I require full trust, and you must know that I will not harm you in a way that you do not need for your growth. If you do not trust me, then we shouldn’t be in a D/s relationship, and likewise, I should not be punishing you.

The Dance

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I want to watch you dance for me.

I'll dress your body in silks and jewels, adorn you with a headress that drapes around you, gem droplets falling like rain along your forehead. I want to see the fabric slip over your hips and thighs as you move your body, little ripples in the material with each step. You can close your eyes - you need not look at me to know that you're the only thing that exists in this room.

There could be thousands around us and only you would move me with your moves

Every shimmering piece will be attached to that pale skin artfully, and I'll trace the lines of your form with my fingertips before allowing you on the floor. Your feet will be bare, and you'll grace the wooden boards with those soft pads. Each time you turn, you take me higher, and I raise the red wine to my lips to cool the heat. You're a diamond fit for a King like me, waiting to be seated on satin cushions at the feet of my throne.

So dance for me, I want to see what your body is capable of. I want to watch you dance for me.

Only for me.

Cleansing

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There she was, her knees curled to her chest, her bottom covered in blood that dripped down the curve of her thighs. It was falling to the floor in droplets, little spatters of the deep fluid coating the polished wood. He looked down at her, grinning while baring his canines, and pressed the tip of his shoe to the blood on her ass.

"You'll need to clean them now," he growled, a deep sound that cut through the overbearing silence. She shivered, nodded, and her ringlets covered her face, a more comfortable position when she was feeling particularly small, little. He nudged at her bottom in light kicks, making the flesh on her body jiggle and bounce. Still, she did not move; so he crouched down beside her, put his hand on her upper arm, and whispered in her ear. "Let's get this little girl cleaned up."

Few things were as calming or comforting as the sensation of warm water running over the cuts and scrapes. Daddy kisses made all of the boo-boos better, even when his kisses were vicious bites more painful than the cut itself. He picked her up, not caring about the blood getting on his suit pants, and brought her to the tub, turning the water on. It was tempting to drop her in and continue the sweet torture, but he held back silently, breathing heavily against her neck as he waited for the tub to fill halfway. She knew; he was such a good Daddy because he held back, because he knew when to let her be his little girl and not his little prey. They were sometimes one in the same, but right now, she needed his hands on her, cleansing her of her disgusting misdirection.

He lowered her body into the water gently and picked up their favorite cup: it had a little lip that made it easy to pour the water in the proper place. She was slumping in the bottom of the tub, still not saying anything. He placed a hand on her back, letting her feel him. "It is alright now, little one. It is going to be alright." Her sighing response received his fingers running through her hair, pulling it out of her face so that he could get a good look at her. "Daddy's here."

The tub was almost filled now, so he filled the cup completely to the brim and waited. "Tilt your head back for me," he commanded, and she did, whispering a small, Yes, Daddy. He took off his suit jacket, rolled his shirt sleeves up, and squeezed some shampoo into his hands before lathering it into her hair; she melted beneath his hands.

Finally, the water was pouring over her body, heat stinging the cuts but relaxing the knots and tension. Always pain but always comfort; comfort in the pain.
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