So what happens when she stops being yours?

4 comments
There were times when I thought that I was lying back on Cloud 9, a glass of wine in one hand, a book in the other, with my feet propped up on the back of a beautiful little...girl. She was mine, in the deepest, most sincere meaning of the word. She would be mine, forever, my sweet little girl, my sweet Lolita. We had talked of how things would be in the future, what would become of us as we aged, and she would curl up against me, giggle, and say things like, "Will you still love me when I'm all old and wrinkly?" I would then stroke her hair, smirk, and whisper, "Yes. I will always love my little girl."

When a man becomes a young lady's father, it is hard for him to ever let her go. No matter how many times she repeats the words, "I don't love you," "I don't want you," "I don't need you," he cannot see her as anything but his. The way she leads him on with her whines and tears gives him hope that something's there. But when there isn't, what is there for him to do? What about the little girl who used to have a daddy there for her? What happens to their lives, and how do they change? How do either of them move on?

There are times that I miss being a father. But then it comes back to me, and people say to me, "Isn't that what you wanted, though? For her to grow up, be an independent adult, for her to make you proud?" It is strange, how she is so happy without me, and how I now feel so unhappy. I suppose that I am unhappy because she is happy without me, something that I hate to admit. That she could live without me at all makes me feel as if everything that we supposedly were was a lie.

When does a daughter walk out on her father?

Well, look at a person whose daughter is their biological daughter. Look at runaways. Abuse—most times, abuse is the reason why a child would run away from home. But there is also that hint of being a teenager, of being stubborn, obnoxious, and wanting to be rebellious against the very people who put a roof over their head, buy them clothing and food.

For a father/daughter, Daddy/little girl, whatever you want to call it, relationship, it's no different—if the lifestyle is 24/7, every moment of every day, then the little girl is truly a little girl, with the mindset of a child. There is no roleplaying. There is no turning on and turning off the child in them. They simply are a child, and a daughter, to the father.

With Little Girl (I call her that now, because if I were to call her "mine," it would be incorrect—she still is, however, a little girl, and I'm not going to be rude and say that she isn't), I apparently was abusive of her and, as she termed it, "mean." I was a "mean daddy," and sometimes she would go so far as to say that I wasn't a daddy at all, just a jerk and an asshole. That was the teenager in her coming out, the angry, pissed off, "Parents are fuckheads and should all die" type of mentality.

Because I was "abusive and mean," she would do things to irk me and get on my bad side. It first started with her being blatantly disobedient. Then things escalated, and she started seeing other people. Then she finally, physically, cheated on me.

I believe that a part of me died that night that she told me that she had slept with someone else. I had been waiting for her, all night, to get home from work. I was going to call her, actually, and ask if everything was alright. I was worried that her and her mother had gotten into a car accident. But I did not call—I figured, "She'll call me if anything's wrong." And I figured, "Maybe work is keeping her late. They sometimes do that." Ironically, we had been fighting for a few days, and I wanted to apologize to her.

Of course, it is ironic how she ended up having to apologize for over nine months after she did that. Because she never stopped.

She did not stop cheating on me, and when I told her that I wanted for her to never speak to that person again, she said, "Okay, daddy..I won't, I promise..." Yet she did. She would tell me that she was out with family, and she'd be with him. She would tell me that she was out with a friend of hers, and she'd be out with him. She would tell me that she was busy that day, and she'd be out with him.

Right after she slept with him, I started to put rules into place. Playful rules that were easy to not break. And for two months, after she slept with him, I thought that everything was wonderful. She would come home after being out with her "mother," and we would talk, joke around, play, and she was very good to me. Very good to me, when it was all just a fake game.

I do not remember how I found out. I think that her friend told me. But when I found out that everything that we had been doing for the past two months, that everything she had been telling me were lies, I blew up. Who can blame me, really? Who can blame me, when I felt like a complete fool for thinking that Little Girl was mine, that I had her in my arms, that she was mine, only mine, and that everything was going so well?

There are times that I, yes, I, think, "Perhaps she did it for a reason, maybe I really was an asshole." But then I smack myself and say, "No. No, you were not the problem."

Things settled down a bit. She finally stopped seeing him, sometime a few months later, when he told her that if she wouldn't have sex with him, he would not speak to her. And of course, who'd she come crying to—daddy. Because daddy's always there. Daddy's there, to sit in his lap, cry on his chest, when she tells him that the man that she was cheating on daddy with had hurt her.

It was a slow transition, Little Girl changing to not being mine anymore. Then the question comes up, well, was she ever really yours? That is one that I do not know the answer to—she tells me that she was, one time. For a few weeks, she was. Then she changed the answer to a few days. But honestly, would I believe her if she said anything? If she were to tell me that she had been on my doorstep, waiting for me, would I even go to get the door? Probably not. I do not know which is worse—believing a person who you fell in love with, or believing a stranger, stranger being the one who told me that she had been going behind my back.

I think that it is worse to believe anyone, no matter the person. That is life, for you—can be wonderful, when it's wonderful.

So did she grow up ever? No. And perhaps that's why I'm unhappy. Because she left me, and she's still just a child, and I know that she's always going to be taken advantage of, she's never going to amount to anything, and she's never going to really be anything in life. It hurts to know that, that the girl who was once my little girl is never going to really be anything that I had wanted her to be—which was always the best that she could be.

At this point, where her and I stand now, she is off with another man, and they may be getting somewhere to live together. He apparently abused her after getting drunk. Or so she told me. Who knows whether she is just saying this to play with me or not. Who will ever know? And at this point, I am doing what I have to do—hurt, upset, angry, resentful, bitter, aggravated, stressed—but I am trying to get over her. I am surprised, actually, that I wrote all of this without crying—yes, I am a very emotional man (my father's the same way, and not surprisingly, him and my mum were in the same form of relationship as Little Girl's and mine).

Her and I were not together for that long—three and a half years—but it felt like in those years, so much has happened. I sometimes look back and say, "Wow. Look at that. Look at how much her and I have been through." And I miss her, sadly. I do miss her (or what I thought she was, at least). Not all of the time—only sometimes.

The Father/daughter aspect of our relationship really turned me off to the idea of ever having that again (and quite honestly, of ever having a serious relationship again)—I sometimes wonder how other people do it, how they can have a child and then break up with them and find another one. Seems like abandonment to me. So in my mind, she'll always be Little Girl, daughter, child, baby girl, beautiful girl, even if I am with someone else. Is that wrong of me? Yes. Is it extra baggage on a potential mate? Perhaps.

I am a Dominant, but it's funny, amusing, how I am such a loyal dog. A friend of mine always says to me, "Being in love makes you a fool," and it's true—it really does.

Note: The reason why I decided to post this was because I got a question a while back, asking what happens when a Master/slave relationship ends. And honestly, it's the same as any other relationship, depending on the people in the relationship—were there strong emotions? Was there any connection? Was there a set of strict rules for the submissive, how did the submissive act during the relationship, how did the Dominant act, all of that matters when a relationship ends.

It also depends, not surprisingly, on the type of people that are involved in the relationship. Little Girl was always a work, to say the least. She never understood her emotions, and she would sometimes let them out, but then shove them back into herself. This is probably why she led me on for so many years. Honest people—those who are honest with themselves—probably would not do what she did. So the way that the relationship would end would be very different, indeed.

Like anything, it depends on the people involved, and it depends on who those people are. It is not about the dynamic of the relationship, really.

Why I Don't Smoke Anymore

2 comments
This Thursday, April 22nd, is Earth Day, and it's actually the 40th Earth Day in the history of our beloved Earth. To me, it does not feel that we've come anywhere in those forty years—everything that we're saying now, we've been saying for years, and any "improvements" that have been coming out lately have been out for a very long time. I used to not give a damn—in fact, I never really gave a damn about much of anything. But in the past few years, these issues of our planet have made themselves apparent, and action needs to be taken now to help it.

I was a smoker for a couple of years. When I say a couple, I mean three plus, which is not much in comparison to most. I understand their struggle to quit. But because of what's been happening, people must urge the adults of tomorrow, children of today, to never pick up a cigarette, to never break under the pressure of others, and to never, ever become addicted to something that will kill them.

Cigarettes are not only detrimental to the person smoking them. They hurt everyone, and everything, around their fumes—I have friends whose families encourage them to smoke, and I have friends whose "friends" think that it's fine. Smoking is not fine. There are hundreds of toxins in every cigarette, toxins that if those children who pick up those cigarettes knew what they were, would be disgusted at the fact that they even inhaled that. These poor children, trying to be "cool," trying to "fit in," trying to do everything that they can just so that someone will look at them, smoke cigarettes as a means for who knows what. I wish that I knew, so that I could reach out and take the cigarette, twist my shoe over it and tell them, "You are better than that."

I had stopped, back in 2008, after my partner at the time had threatened me with the end of our relationship if I had not stopped. She was worried for me, and had reason to be—I had not been doing so well, and my sicknesses were coming out more frequently. After stopping, I realized how much in my life I needed to change—everything completely changed at that point, it was not just my smoking habits. It was how I looked at life, how I looked at people, and more importantly, how I looked at myself.

Not surprisingly, the girl who I stopped because of picked up smoking a few years later and still is, for no reason at all other than because her friends also smoke.

Earth Day means a lot more than just attending events, giving money to useless organizations, and wearing shirts made of 100% cotton. It's a complete lifestyle change, like people say about losing weight—it's not a diet that you should be on, it should be a lifestyle change, one that will work. To me, Earth Day means recycling everything that possibly can be recycled, using as little as you can, walking to places if close enough, making sure that lights are off when the room is not being used, keeping showers to a minimum, buying from local markets as opposed to huge supermarkets, and so many more that I cannot even list them.

Earth Day is everything—people think that "the Earth has gone through so much, it will be fine," and that "the Earth is fine, it's not a big deal like everyone's making it out to be." But it is a big deal. People in many countries all over the world are dying of starvation, and in places where there is the most money, there is the least amount being done to better the planet. Why cause harm to something because it can "take the beating" when you can avoid beating it all together? Why not just take a few seconds out of the day, seconds that would otherwise be wasted, to put papers in the recycling bin, to turn off the faucet when done washing your hands, or to buy groceries that you know that you'll use as opposed to wasting them?

Why not celebrate Earth Day, for what it's worth, and start changing things today?

Sentinel by Shots Media

0 comments
I bought this little plug a while ago from Edenfantasys when they were having a sale. I had been looking at it for a while and thought that since it was very cute (and on sale!) that I should purchase it and give it a go. It's a very adorable little plug, and though I'm not too fond of the bullet that comes with it, it was very worth it!




Go ahead and check out my review at Edenfantasys. And hey, if you decide that you want one, don't hesitate to use my partner code B5P at checkout to get 15% off.

product picture
Bullet by Shots media
Material: Silicone
Safety:
Rating:
Vroom:
Bee:

Dragon Silk Wrist Restraints by Leatherbeaten

1 comments
Since I already wrote a review on the ankle restraints, it's a bit redundant to write a review on these. What more can be said? Leatherbeaten's Dragon Silk Wrist and Ankle restraints are my two absolute favorite pairs of cuffs—they simply cannot be beat. They're beautiful, stylish, cute, attractive, and perfectly made. They are perfect for those into lighter play who want well-made cuffs that will last a long time, but are also great for those who want something more substantial to stand up to more rough play.

Facing the outside is a luxurious, gorgeous Asian-inspired silk, its background a dark, plum hue and its design comprised of silver embroidered dragons and purple flowers outlined in silver thread. Sounds stunning, doesn't it? It most certainly is. Not only is the design beautiful, but the silk is so soft and smooth. Even though the individual wearing the cuffs will not feel the silk, they feel nice when brushed against skin.



Attached to the silk outer layer is a leather strap, fastened to the wrist cuffs by four rivets. The strap has a width of ¾" and its total length is 12¾". There are twelve possible holes for adjustment and each of the holes is spaced about ¼" apart. This allows for a hell of a lot of adjustment, the smallest wrist size being 4¼" in circumference, and the largest around 10". On the seventh hole from where the rivets are is the ideal adjustment, without any overlap or space—those with wrist sizes of 7" around will appreciate this. The end of the strap is cut into a point.



On the inside of the cuffs is a layer of smooth, flexible, high quality leather. Since these cuffs are plush, there is also a layer of soft foam between the silk and leather. Since the leather does touch the wearer's skin, it's a good thing that it's so smooth—it makes these cuffs comfortable for longer wear without aggravating or irritating the person's wrists. Even though the rivets extend to the inside, they cannot be felt if the wearer is to move their wrists around. The cuff portion is a total of about 9" in length and it has a width of 2¼" (the leather strap extends past the cuff itself).



Lining each of the outer rim of the cuffs is a soft cotton material that finishes them very nicely.  The picture on the right shows the size comparison between the ankle and wrist restraints.  Both of the cuffs have the same width, but they are different lengths.

I believe that all of the hardware is nickel-plated, as Leatherbeaten's hardware generally is. The d-ring, which each of the cuffs has, is placed in the center of the four rivets. It is very strong, and though not sewn on or attached in any special way, it is kept in place by those rivets. A large amount of struggling may loosen the leather over time, but not by much. The cuffs close by a regular buckle, which does not open whatsoever and is also very sturdy. It's a good buckle, which is impressive.



Leatherbeaten's wrist restraints come in a resealable plastic baggie, and one of the cuffs has a tag attached to it. If storage is an issue for you, then I suggest keeping them in the plastic bag as to keep the silk from getting mucked up. Silk is a material that can easily stain and should be taken extreme care of. If something is to get on the silk, you'll want to take these to the cleaners—if you prefer to keep your interest in cuffs private, then treating the stain with warm water and ammonia should do the trick. The leather can be wiped down with a damn cloth and it should be fine.

(Have I tried this? No. But I read it somewhere. Honestly, I suggest holding in your breath and just taking them to the dry cleaner's. Saves you the hassle and worry of whether they'll be ruined or not.)

So is there anything that I would I change about them? The only thing that they could possibly be improved on is changing the regular buckle into a locking buckle, just for those who want some extra reassurance that their submissive is not getting out of those things by any means. Everything else is literally...perfect. There is no other way to describe them. They're both beautiful and well-made, they are simply stunning, and they're the type of cuffs that you can wear for both photoshoots and for rough play.

If you're just starting out and you're wanting some ideas on how to use your Dragon Silk restraints, you should first know that the only limits that you have are where your imagination stops. You can tie the wearer to connection points, if you have rope or nylon straps, on bed posts to keep them immobilized. You can use a double-ended snap closure to keep the cuffs close together, and have your way with your partner. Or you can do something a bit more playful, like add a blindfold and a tickler.

If you'd like to buy these, or perhaps even complete a submissive look with Leatherbeaten's matching blindfold, head on over to Edenfantasys.com, where you can buy these and more for all of your kinky, or other, needs. A little too much on your budget? Get 15% off by entering my partner code, B5P, at checkout.

product picture
Wrist cuffs by Leatherbeaten
Material: Leather / Silk
Safety:

What's in Sir's Closet

0 comments
(Well, actually, not all of these are in my closet—they are in various places in my room. All of the links take you to my reviews of the products.)

BDSM Products
Impact Implements
Collars and Leashes
Blindfolds
Wrist/Ankle Cuffs
Mouth Gags
  • Silicone bit gag
  • Rubber bit gag - Favorite
  • Beginner ball gag (white/pink) (need to write review) - Favorite
  • Aslan silicone ball gag (white/pink) (need to write review)
Clamps
  • Bull nose nipple clamps - Favorite
  • Y-style broad tip clamps w/bullet - Favorite
  • Clothespins
  • Beaded broad tip clamps (need to write review) - Favorite
  • Lavish nipple clamps - Favorite
  • Beaded nipple clamps (pink)

Sex Toys
Vibrators
Dildos/Prosthetics
Anal Plugs
Balls and Beads
  • Desi (need to write review)
Harnesses
  • Joque harness (need to write review) - Favorite
  • Slick jock
  • Mr. Right packing strap
  • Theo harness
  • Powerlock harness with cock'n balls
  • Radiant gems curved harness

Other
Position Aids
DVDs and Videos
Books
  • Two Knotty Boys: Showing You the Ropes (need to write review) - Favorite
  • Story of O
Gag Gifts/Items

If you want to see any pictures of (if I have not already posted pictures), or have any questions about, any of the things on my list, go ahead and ask! I would be delighted to help you out. You can send me an email (ldmonaco@hotmail.com) or leave me a comment here.

Guidelines for Reviews—a Checklist

0 comments
This is just a little post I'm making as a checklist for what to include in specific reviews. I am really doing this for my own personal use, but I figured I might as well post it on my blog for other people to see and maybe bounce ideas off of! I will edit it over time to add more items and perhaps more information for what to include.

Vibrators
  • number of speeds and patterns, levels of intensities
  • type of vibration (either buzzy or rumbly)
  • type of controls
  • how it's powered
  • material*
  • texture of material
  • design and sizing information
  • where the vibe can/cannot be used
  • lubricant compatibility
  • packaging
Collars
  • material*
  • how it feels when worn
  • sturdiness of collar
  • what it can be used for (i.e., hard tugging or simply a "pretty collar")
  • adornments
  • buckle style
  • sizing
  • who the collar is geared towards
Dildos
  • material*
  • firm/softness of the material
  • coloration of material
  • sizing
  • harness compatibility
  • design of shaft, head (if there is one), testicles, base
  • lubricant compatibility
  • packaging
  • storage methods


*When I say material, material also includes how it can be cleaned, how it smells, and how it tastes.

Soother by Glassvibrations

2 comments
Here are my overdue pictures for my Soother butt plug, made of tempered glass. It's a really wonderful, average-sized butt plug that you can buy at EdenFantasys for $55—a pretty good price for a glass plug.


If you want to know what rating I gave this beautiful plug, you can also read my review here at Edenfantasys.

product picture
$54.99Soother
Butt plug by Glassvibrations
Material: Tempered glass
Safety:

Where's Sir Been?

0 comments
That's a good question, actually. I've been busy with school, giving myself a break, trying to get my life on track. Some things have been coming up lately, and I am hoping that they've settled down for a while. I still write on Edenfantasys, my monthly reviews. And currently, I am having a little fun with making some things.

I recently made a box for a friend of mine, and since I had a lot of fun doing that (it did not come out exactly how I had wanted it to, but hey, it looks pretty good—hopefully I'll get better as I do more) I decided to also make some special things. Like riding crops, canes, and spreader bars.

Yes, this has been so fun. None of them are finished yet (I just got the materials yesterday, give me a break!), but they are in the works. I'll show you what they look like currently so that you can see.


In total, for ten rolls of electric tape, the three dowels, and the screws that go into the spreader bars, it all costed about $15. How do you like that one? So there will be two canes, two riding crops, and two spreader bars, for fifteen dollars. Pretty damn nice. And you know what, I am doing something with my hands so I am occupying my time. It's fun for me.

When I am finished, I will post some more pictures of them. I plan to cover all of the handles with a layer of hand-sewn leather, and add a nice, thin crop tip to the ends of the crops. I also have a broken belt of mine that has spikes on it that I may use to decorate. This is so exciting, little girl was laughing because she thought that it was cute that I decided to do this.
Copyright © The Art of Lovemaking