Poly and Me

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Otherwise known as, "How Monogamous Can You Get?"

I've had plenty of poly experiences in the past; enough to make me positive that it isn't what I desire, even if it's done healthily and all parties are fully aware and kept up to date with happenings. I am monogamous to an extreme extent. Now what does that mean?

  1. I won't look at other people and find them any form of sexually or mentally stimulating.
  2. I will not comment on or think of the physical appearance of people other than my property.
  3. I will not compare a partner's or slave's servitude to another human being's.
  4. I will not interrupt our time together with other people who are trivial; this basically refers to friends.
  5. I will make our relationship my third priority, third to my personal growth career-wise and family (until my partner becomes my family, at which point they come second; then, when I am settled in my career, my family comes first).
  6. I do not have intercourse with people outside of relationships with them.
  7. I prefer to not play with people unless I'm in a relationship with them. Yes, I do currently play with multiple people because I am, at the time, not in a committed relationship.
  8. I am not an unfaithful individual, and I see no reason to touch or "talk" with others outside of the relationship.
  9. I will focus entirely on the growth and development of the relationship.
  10. I strive to make myself the most healthy and positive individual that I can be in order to be good for my property.

Perhaps this isn't how people "do" relationships. Perhaps I am more eccentric than I had previously thought. But I am an extremely devoted, loyal individual. This isn't to say that poly people cannot be loyal or devoted; I simply have found that poly people feel less obligated to be in lieu of them being poly and not having to be beholding to anyone or anything. I feel that that's, to be blunt, bullshit, but so be it.

For me, D/s comes before romantic relationships. That is part of the point. I do not do the frou-frou, "Master, please hit me!" in the bedroom crap. That's fine if you do, and of course there's nothing wrong with it. But my enjoyment in D/s and ownership comes from having someone whose main focus is me; who I can make my main focus (and I inadvertently do, even if they haven't made me theirs). My experiences with poly have been negative because the people I was involved with did not put their service to me first and foremost, before their other relationships. Essentially, they allowed ours to die while keeping their others thriving.

One day, I hope that someone will show me a poly relationship where the people do not cheat, actually keep communication open, and devote themselves entirely to their D/s relationship as well as their other relationships. But that's wishful thinking, considering the fact that even monogamous relationships lack the languages of love that so many talk about.

Random Worries of Being in the Lifestyle

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When I have the means and the space to keep a child, I'd like to have one or two (by adoption, more than likely). And I have to wonder: what if they're not into BDSM? The bigger question is, where will all of my wonderful things go when I die?

Currently, I have no one who I would pass my gear onto, but when I reach about sixty, hopefully I'll have it all laid out (if I reach that age, that is).

Here's to hoping that I have children who will love the feeling of leather and cuffs as much as I do, and who will carry on my legacy.

-Sir

Demon

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The below was not written by me. I found it in Coming to Power (3rd Edition, 1987), a book edited and compiled by SAMOIS. They are a "lesbian/feminist S/M organization." It is entitled Demon, written by Dorothy Allison. If words could describe the heart wrenching feeling that I was overcome with. There's something about  reading writing that describes me perfectly that I cannot get enough of. It's very rare to find writing that I find good, so when I do, it's usually something that touches me deeply.

I yearn to be someone's Demon. Without further ado, Demon, by Dorothy Allison.


Some there are
found in the hands of a demon
a demon who tears and takes and makes you
something you were not before.
No matter the nature of the demon
the details of what was done or when or how
No matter, in fact, if you escape.
     No one escapes.

The Demon is always there.
Years later, so far after the fact
that there are no facts left
no memories that can be trusted
- and it is the nature of the demon
that trust is the first eaten
the possibility of trust,
the hope of anything at all -
Yeas later, the demon turns around
grins from the inside
that wounded place.

And Oh!
the demon is clever.
The demon is beautiful.
The demon is much lusted after, much denied
and when, in time, he recedes
it is the dream of the demon that grips and tears
while only the audience remains,
the audience that whispers

     "Tell us about the demon."
     "Tell us how he touched you."
     "Tell us about his belt, his teeth, his cock."
     "Tell us about your blood, how hot it was
       and how it ran down."
     "Tell us about you,
       though, we know of course,
       the only notable thing about you
       is that once a demon wanted you."

     "Once."

The audience grows teeth
takes up a belt, becomes beautiful,
The audience looks down
     sees itself
     sees the demon.

You see the demon.
You are not alone anymore.
You have it back - all you wanted.
Now all you want is to be free of it.

But didn't I tell you?
IT does not matter what you want.
The demon does not care.
The demon does not even notice.
The demon is filing its nails
     bending over
     waiting.

Like I said,
          No one escapes.

Petitioning to be Mine

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Since I've been reading posts about people asking how they should ask for a Dominant's collar, I decided to write a little list of what I expect (or what I'd like) a submissive to include in their proposition to serve me. Keep in mind that I am a Dominant, so this is what I would like to see, not necessarily what a submissive would like to give. Every Dominant is different though, so before petitioning someone, ask them what they would appreciate included; open communication is always a must when it comes to any type of relationship.

  1. Ask to be my submissive and not for me to be your Dominant. See the different connotation there? I cannot stress this enough. Also acceptable is asking to be bestowed my collar, not to receive it. Saying "May I have ..." comes across as entitled and also rude and assumptive  it is not humble at all. Asking to be bestowed my collar is much more pleasant and shows that you are aware of your place. (On that note, I do not collar people easily. I cannot honestly say that I have formally collared anyone, really; the times that I have collared people, it was not a formal collaring ceremony. Assuming that I'm going to give anything more than a consideration collar for a while is improper, because I will not.)
  2. List, in detail, what you are offering in terms of service.
    1. What do you excel at?
    2. What forms of service do you enjoy performing?
  3. List, in detail, what you would like to improve on either while serving me or in general.
    1. What forms of service would you like to become more proficient at?
    2. Are there any types of service that you dislike performing?
    3. Any habits that you would like to get rid of?
  4. Tell me why you feel that you deserve to serve me. Note: Many would disagree with this, but I feel that it's necessary for a person to tell me why they deserve to be at my feet. If they have no reason, that is fine, but they should try to find a tangible reason.
  5. Write about how you feel about me as a person.
    1. What you like, what you dislike.
    2. Be completely honest.
    3. Recognize both my faults and strong points.
  6. Tell me what you'd require my help and assistance with and what level of patience you need in order for you to serve me to your optimal potential.
  7. List any expectations that you have from me. Again, be upfront and honest; do not hide your desires.
  8. Tell me what form of arrangement you are interested in  romantic, strictly D/s, one transitioning into the other?
  9. Tell me how long of a time span you would like to serve me for.
  10. Tell me what level of protocol you're interested in.
    1. Let me know if you want to start at that level or if you want to build up to that level.
    2. Be honest if you need help; do not be too proud or prideful.
  11. Tell me your limits and areas that you would prefer to not have crossed.
    1. Make sure to note whether it's a hard limit or one that can be pushed at my discretion.
  12. Define submission and service. Tell me what it means to you to be submissive and to serve another.

Sound of Sex

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He growls into my ear, his breath hot on my face, warm, soft. The heaving of his stomach against my pelvis soothes me, its up and down, in and out movements calming. He groans, fingertips pressing into my waist as I feel a droplet of sweat fall onto my chest. I feel him finish inside of me, his erection changing to a limp, soft muscle.

I dig my nails into his shoulder blades, and smile.

Paddles That Aren't Rigid

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In other words, floppy paddles. Yes, they do exist. I almost turned my nose up at the idea because I had never encountered such a thing in my life, until I purchased the Studded Paddle from Spartacus. I'm used to leather paddles having a rigid bone to them so that I can get a firm grip on the handle and so that the spanking area of the paddle lands with the exact intensity I'm desiring. With a floppy paddle, use is more stunted and less natural. The only good thing about floppy paddles is that they're softer, but that's not really a positive point in my book.

What I look for in a paddle is a firm handle and a slightly bendable spanking area. The handle's core must extend past the handle itself so that the spanking area doesn't bend or flop in use, but it cannot be too long that it forms an oddly firm area in the paddle. This is why sometimes paddles made of metal or wood are better than leather paddles (sad as that may be). Some leathers are simply too soft to make a substantial paddle.

So I decided to write a little comparison. Since it's better to compare apples to apples, I chose three leather paddles that I have to compare. One is a paddle that I bought from a local leather worker and tool artist, another is from Spartacus Inc., and the last is from Ruff Doggie Styles. They're all about the same size and weight, which works well for the comparison.

Let's take the studded paddle from Spartacus first. I was honestly surprised at just how floppy and soft it was; I have purchased products from Spartacus in the past, and they seemed to be of pretty good quality. However, this paddle was not. The handle is not rigid whatsoever, and the paddle area itself is incredibly flexibletoo flexible, at that. Because of its flex, the sensations it gives when it makes impact are very surface; they're not penetrating, they are not even that much of a sting.

In fact, the flex of the paddle makes it difficult to use, which is why I cannot stand owning them. It's a beautiful paddle, do not misunderstand, but beauty isn't what matters when it comes to paddles, really (it's just an added perk for some).

The paddle that I bought from the leather worker near me is actually really nice because the handle is very firm and easy to hold, but the paddle portion is flexible which gives it a nice snap. I wouldn't say that it's good for thud or deep impact because of how surface the smack is, but it is good for sting at least. It has the same exact problem as the Studded Paddle, though; since there is no inner core for the paddle portion, it just doesn't give bruising and deep thud like some people would love.

For my final and favorite leather paddle of the three, the Angelic Dreams Spank-Her paddle is definitely the most rigid and firm (which explains why I seemed intensely overjoyed in my review). It smacks, it penetrates, and it's leather. If you notice, I was trying to bend it against the carpet to show just how firm it is. Obviously, that did not work out so well (it is still completely erect). What's great about firm paddles is that they're just that much easier to control. When I'm using it, I know exactly when and where it's going to hit; with a more floppy paddle, it almost does whatever it wants to do, which is incredibly frustrating as a Top.

Property

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“Use your voice. I want to hear you say my name.” Her head is tilted back as his fingers trace vertical lines on her neck, hair firmly held in his other hand that’s curled into a fist. She closes her eyes and her lips as tightly as she can as his fingertips attempt entrance to her mouth; she shakes her head a few times, and he lets go of her hair to smack her ass. “Stay still,” he commands, and he hits her on the lips a few times before sliding his fingers in. She says nothing, remains silent—completely focused on the task of sucking on his fingers and wetting them before they enter elsewhere.

Finally, he removes his fingers and releases her hair, throwing her forward as she coughs and gasps. Nails graze her thighs as he plays with the hem of her skirt, flipping it up and revealing two round orbs of flesh. “This belongs to me,” he whispers into her ear, flicking the tip of his tongue over her earlobe and biting down to stifle a groan. He wraps a hand around her neck to keep her steady, and slides two of his fingers into her heat.

She gasps and clenches around him, involuntarily, and he drives in another finger. “It’s mine, don’t you see,” he asks, but not really asking at all as he removes his fingers to undo his zipper. The sound of the shuffling of fabric echoes against the tiles in the kitchen, and she feels her entire body being lifted as she’s pressed face first against the counter. His engorged cock enters her body, filling her until her ass presses against his abdomen. He starts to move into her, and then bends over her body to growl in her ear.

"Give me everything."

Words About Pronouns

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Capitalized pronouns. Many dislike them and will go so far as to not talk to people who use them; some love them and use them in everyday speech. A few think that they're ridiculous, unnecessary, a waste of time. I've even heard people say that they're excessive, pretentious, even showy. I wanted to share my opinion on capitalized pronouns since, after all, it's the only one that counts, right? I haven't written here in a long time, and I kept wondering what I was going to do. But I do that often, forget to update and then become indecisive about what to write. So here we go, a post about capitalized pronouns. Keep in mind that this is all my opinion; others have different opinions on the subject, so do not simply take mine as word.

Their Use
A submissive may capitalize their Dominant's pronouns during speech either to their Dominant or to others to show respect and acknowledgement of their place against their Dominant (or likewise, their Dominant's place against them). It shows the inequality, something that I personally strive for in a D/s relationship. The submissive is lesser, lower. The Dominant is the upper hand. Another aspect to capitalized pronouns is the "God" aspect, the viewing of one's Dominant as a God and as a sentient being. When a submissive views their Dominant as their God, it's a form of devotion; it puts the Dominant on a pedestal where no one else sits. In contrast to the capitalization of the Dominant's pronouns, the submissive may lowercase all words of self, such as pronouns or their name, for the same reason.

Usually, a Dominant will follow basic grammar rules during type and letters to others. They may deliberately lowercase their property's name or pronouns, but not their own because it's the submissive's job to do so. Say a Dominant was writing to a friend or sending an invitation to a party. They may simply lowercase the name of their submissive, but all other things will follow proper capitalization rules. It's not really the Dominant's job to make a fuss over pronouns or show their dominance by capitalizing every one of their own pronouns when referring to themselves or lowercasing each of the submissive's pronouns (even when the sentence begins) of their submissive's.

The basic point of it all is that it shows the difference. It shows the separation of the two, allowing them to be opposite sides of one coin. Quite honestly, as someone who loves capitalized pronouns, it also sends shivers up my spine when I see someone submit to me in that way. It says so much in one simple action of rejecting to hit the shift key or hitting it when it comes to me.

The Dilemma
Dominants capitalizing their own pronouns is something that I cannot comprehend. It's actually something that I see more frequently than the capitalization of a Dominant's pronouns by a submissive, sadly enough. If it's hard to understand what I mean by that, I'm talking about the capitalization of every possessive pronoun during conversation with anyone, words such as "my" and "mine." To put it plainly, this completely destroys the purpose of capitalized pronouns. When a Dominant capitalizes their own pronouns, they are basically saying that they are their own Dominant.

A friend of mine made a valid but incorrectly led point of how Dominants need to be able to maintain themselves in order to maintain a submissive, and that is why they would capitalize their own pronouns. While this is true, that thought process does not apply to capitalized pronouns. Maintenance and management, while both necessary, does not make a Dominant their own Dominant. It simply doesn't make sense, unless of course you happen to be your own Dominant. Which in that case, by all means, have fun capitalizing the words "my" and "mine." But if you're not, it truly looks quite absurd.

Personally, the only word that I capitalize (other than those that should be capitalized, so says grammar) is my title, Sir. Nothing more, nothing less. I also lowercase my slave's name, girl (or in the few times that her name is used, that is lowercased as well).

A Few Uses and Examples
A submissive to their Dominant
  • May i get this for You, Sir/Ma'am/Miss?
  • How are You today?
  • Do You require anything of me, Sir?
  • Is there anything i can do for You?
  • i really enjoyed the paddle You used, thank You.

A Dominant to their submissive
  • You did well, pet.
  • slave, would you get me some water?
  • Thank you for serving me so well, girl/boy.

Are Capitalized Pronouns for You?
This is something that you have to decide on your own. They're not for everyone; in fact, they're not for most. It's hard enough to try and get grammar down, but to add that element in is another task completely. It's something that a person would need to try out to see if they like. For some, it keeps them grounded. It keeps them forever conscious of their place. For others, it's just a bother and it takes too much of them (which is perfectly understandable, being a submissive or Dominant is a lot of work). For me, it's something I enjoy receiving because it makes me feel like I am viewed so highly, which is a sensation that I cannot get enough of.
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