On Mastery of the Self and D/s

As a slave asked me to explain what self-discipline was, I decided to explain how I became self-disciplined and how I continually grow on my path to mastery of the self. I do hope that you enjoy the read, and that perhaps it is helpful to those who are learning their own level of submission or Dominance.

On either side of the slash, we must maintain our sense of self, make sure that we are adequately fed in our service and receipt of that service, and that we continually and actively seek ways to learn more about our souls. slaves should always have the goal of complete and total surrender to the one who they serve, otherwise it is not being slave. Dominants should always seek to understand themselves and their needs in order to better communicate those needs to the ones who serve them.

When both are satiated, it creates a beautiful dynamic of power exchange and what I call love.

Self-discipline is learned through years of practice and generally keeping the voice in the back of the mind very loud. I have to calm myself on a regular basis. It is a technique that plenty of Dominants use to keep themselves in check in order to better maintain their property (both themselves and their slaves). When I start to sense myself acting out of anger, or becoming angry over little, nonsensical things, that is when I try my best to center myself. It is then that I keep my mind on my goals, where I would like to take this individual, and how I can get them there without breaking them in a way that I will not be able to build them afterward. 

It is very much the same for a slave; the slave must center itself and understand who this individual is that they are serving, and the importance their role is to their Dominant. The slave must question themselves, “Are my choices to his/her liking? Am I acting in a manner that will better serve his/her wishes?” The next line of questioning should be, “Why am I acting in a shameful manner? What is causing me to act in this way?” When the slave finds the answers to those questions, they must communicate this with their Dominant. It is imperative. This is how a slave becomes self-disciplined. Through growth, understanding, and keeping tabs on their actions, behaviors, and service.

Public Punishment

She looked down and shivered, her newly exposed breasts rising and falling with each breath. Her nipples hardened at the air. He re-sheathed his knife closed and grabbed a breast in his gloved hand, running the leather over the little buds.

"This is what you deserve for betraying me," he whispered in her ear. She didn't bother to look up, because she could hear the crowd's coos and hoots. Some were yelling remarks about whether or not her loins had become hot, others simply made yells and animalistic growls.

This is what she deserved. Her wrists tied to the pillar, her upper body bare and moving as she breathed. She heard him draw his knife again, and the tip of the blade poked at her lower back.

And then it toyed with the edge of her skirt, and was brought down in one quick slice.

Poly and Me

Otherwise known as, "How Monogamous Can You Get?"

I've had plenty of poly experiences in the past; enough to make me positive that it isn't what I desire, even if it's done healthily and all parties are fully aware and kept up to date with happenings. I am monogamous to an extreme extent. Now what does that mean?

1. I won't look at other people and find them any form of sexually or mentally stimulating.
2. I will not comment on or think of the physical appearance of people other than my property.
3. I will not compare a partner's or slave's servitude to another human being's.
4. I will not interrupt our time together with other people who are trivial; this basically refers to friends.
5. I will make our relationship my third priority, third to my personal growth career-wise and family (until my partner becomes my family, at which point they come second; then, when I am settled in my career, my family comes first).
6. I do not have intercourse with people outside of relationships with them.
7. I prefer to not play with people unless I'm in a relationship with them. Yes, I do currently play with multiple people because I am, at the time, not in a committed relationship.
8. I am not an unfaithful individual, and I see no reason to touch or "talk" with others outside of the relationship.
9. I will focus entirely on the growth and development of the relationship.
10. I strive to make myself the most healthy and positive individual that I can be in order to be good for my property.

Perhaps this isn't how people "do" relationships. Perhaps I am more eccentric than I had previously thought. But I am an extremely devoted, loyal individual. This isn't to say that poly people cannot be loyal or devoted; I simply have found that poly people feel less obligated to be in lieu of them being poly and not having to be beholding to anyone or anything. I feel that that's, to be blunt, bullshit, but so be it.

For me, D/s comes before romantic relationships. That is part of the point. I do not do the frou-frou, "Master, please hit me!" in the bedroom crap. That's fine if you do, and of course there's nothing wrong with it. But my enjoyment in D/s and ownership comes from having someone whose main focus is me; who I can make my main focus (and I inadvertently do, even if they haven't made me theirs). My experiences with poly have been negative because the people I was involved with did not put their service to me first and foremost, before their other relationships. Essentially, they allowed ours to die while keeping their others thriving.

One day, I hope that someone will show me a poly relationship where the people do not cheat, actually keep communication open, and devote themselves entirely to their D/s relationship as well as their other relationships. But that's wishful thinking, considering the fact that even monogamous relationships lack the languages of love that so many talk about.

Random Worries of Being in the Lifestyle

When I have the means and the space to keep a child, I'd like to have one or two (by adoption, more than likely). And I have to wonder: what if they're not into BDSM? The bigger question is, where will all of my wonderful things go when I die?

Currently, I have no one who I would pass my gear onto, but when I reach about sixty, hopefully I'll have it all laid out (if I reach that age, that is).

Here's to hoping that I have children who will love the feeling of leather and cuffs as much as I do, and who will carry on my legacy.

-Sir

Demon

The below was not written by me. I found it in Coming to Power (3rd Edition, 1987), a book edited and compiled by SAMOIS. They are a "lesbian/feminist S/M organization." It is entitled Demon, written by Dorothy Allison. If words could describe the heart wrenching feeling that I was overcome with. There's something about  reading writing that describes me perfectly that I cannot get enough of. It's very rare to find writing that I find good, so when I do, it's usually something that touches me deeply.

I yearn to be someone's Demon. Without further ado, Demon, by Dorothy Allison.

Some there are
found in the hands of a demon
a demon who tears and takes and makes you
something you were not before.
No matter the nature of the demon
the details of what was done or when or how
No matter, in fact, if you escape.
     No one escapes.

The Demon is always there.
Years later, so far after the fact
that there are no facts left
no memories that can be trusted
- and it is the nature of the demon
that trust is the first eaten
the possibility of trust,
the hope of anything at all -
Yeas later, the demon turns around
grins from the inside
that wounded place.

And Oh!
the demon is clever.
The demon is beautiful.
The demon is much lusted after, much denied
and when, in time, he recedes
it is the dream of the demon that grips and tears
while only the audience remains,
the audience that whispers

     "Tell us about the demon."
     "Tell us how he touched you."
     "Tell us about his belt, his teeth, his cock."
     "Tell us about your blood, how hot it was
       and how it ran down."
     "Tell us about you,
       though, we know of course,
       the only notable thing about you
       is that once a demon wanted you."

     "Once."

The audience grows teeth
takes up a belt, becomes beautiful,
The audience looks down
     sees itself
     sees the demon.

You see the demon.
You are not alone anymore.
You have it back - all you wanted.
Now all you want is to be free of it.

But didn't I tell you?
IT does not matter what you want.
The demon does not care.
The demon does not even notice.
The demon is filing its nails
     bending over
     waiting.

Like I said,
          No one escapes.