Some Community Thoughts

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My Thoughts on Punishment

I do not punish, first of all, without telling the person what they did wrong. I tell them what the action was, what the wrong was, if they don’t understand, then they better ask because my hand or paddle or cane is coming down and it’s coming down soon.

As I stated, I cannot stand punishment. I cannot stand giving it, I cannot stand thinking of it. It hurts me more than it usually hurts my girls or boys. It upsets me. I dislike it. I sometimes end up crying after giving it. I’m a huge softie.

But it’s necessary, it must be done. I mostly do corporal punishment because that’s how I work - I want punishment quick, painful, and to end. I need it to have an end, otherwise, mentally, I cannot get over the hurdle. My s-type needs to as well - they need that ending stage.

I do not cuddle or coddle them after punishment. They get it, they count along with my strikes, and then it ends. I stop, tell them to get up, and go do something. I do not look them in the eyes. I do not hug them. They go do something service-related and then, later, after they have calmed and I have come down from the pain of administering punishment, I hold them and say, “It’s over. You won’t do it again, and we will prevent this from happening.”

My goal with my s-types is to prevent punishment. To prevent my anger, to serve me in a way that will calm me and keep me in that state of mind. If they harm the balance, then they have harmed me and they are deserving of punishment. If they break a rule, then they are to be punished. If they speak out of turn or are disrespectful, then they are to be punished. Period, end of discussion.

There are plenty of punishment methods that can be administered. Corporal is the one that most think of, but there are assignment-given punishments, grating tasks, making a person do something they’re not fond of, “The Corner,” ignoring the s-type, treating the s-type as an object and not as a human being (example: not looking them in the eyes when they are furniture, using them as a table and not in a loving way). But as always, for me, it must fit what’s been done. I’m not going to give someone 100 strikes of the cane if they’ve simply greeted me incorrectly or walked on the wrong side of me. I will more than likely guide them first, say something along the lines of, “girl/boy, do I need to remind you how to greet me?” or, “Walk on my right side, not my left.” It is their response to that simple correction that will determine the severity of the punishment.

Hopefully this clarifies some of my thoughts on punishment. But again, punishment is punishment. It isn’t play, it isn’t a joke, it isn’t fun. It is not fun. It is not supposed to be fun. If an s-type enjoys punishment, then again, this is not the lifestyle for them. That’s not being a submissive. That’s being a manipulative brat who likes to push people’s buttons. And it’s painful, and it’s hurtful.

Stop acting like the victim with your “safewords” on punishment. You hurt your Owner, you hurt your Dominant with your misbehavior, and now you need to deal with the consequences. If you do not trust my judgment as your Dominant to give the proper punishment fitting the action, then you should not be with me. I require full trust, and you must know that I will not harm you in a way that you do not need for your growth. If you do not trust me, then we shouldn’t be in a D/s relationship, and likewise, I should not be punishing you.

In Response to Someone's Post

A person on Fetlife posted about kicking out their slave from their home. They questioned if they did anything wrong, and where to go from here at this point in their life. Something to remember about ownership is to know what's yours better than they know themselves. How else will you keep them on their toes, keep them ready and at attention to serve? Their mind needs to be stimulated as a slave and also as an individual, as a human being (even if you treat them otherwise at times). So here is my response.

slaves are meant to be slaves. If her job was to be a service-oriented slave, and that is it, then her slave mindset needs to be stimulated. What did she need as your slave? Did you know her well enough to say? If you did not know her well enough to know what she needed as a slave, and as your slave, then she should not have been living with you. 

Something I've learned about slaves is that they need to be used, thoroughly and often. What that use is, however, is up to you. Of course, this isn't a steadfast rule, but this is what I've learned with my girls and boys. If you do not surprise or stimulate their mind or give them tasks beyond the mundane cooking and cleaning, they will talk back, become complacent. Find a strange or odd chore to give them - like going to the store and only buying green foods (an example). Or say you're needing a knife for something, yeah? Don't tell her what for. Just tell her to find the sharpest knife in the store. These are just a few examples of what you can do to keep up the pace. 

Now, if within a month and a half, she was already talking back, she certainly was not the slave for you. As I said, slaves are slaves. If her identity was that of a slave, she should uphold that title. If she was a submissive, I am more understanding. But as everyone else has said before me, I cannot pass any judgment without knowing the depth of the situation, from both sides. You need to find out what you did wrong, if you did anything wrong or out of line, and improve. Look into yourself.

Petitioning to be Mine

Since I've been reading posts about people asking how they should ask for a Dominant's collar, I decided to write a little list of what I expect (or what I'd like) a submissive to include in their proposition to serve me. Keep in mind that I am a Dominant, so this is what I would like to see, not necessarily what a submissive would like to give. Every Dominant is different though, so before petitioning someone, ask them what they would appreciate included; open communication is always a must when it comes to any type of relationship.

1. Ask to be my submissive and not for me to be your Dominant. See the different connotation there? I cannot stress this enough. Also acceptable is asking to be bestowed my collar, not to receive it. Saying "May I have ..." comes across as entitled and also rude and assumptive — it is not humble at all. Asking to be bestowed my collar is much more pleasant and shows that you are aware of your place. (On that note, I do not collar people easily. I cannot honestly say that I have formally collared anyone, really; the times that I have collared people, it was not a formal collaring ceremony. Assuming that I'm going to give anything more than a consideration collar for a while is improper, because I will not.)
2. List, in detail, what you are offering in terms of service.
1. What do you excel at?
2. What forms of service do you enjoy performing?
3. List, in detail, what you would like to improve on either while serving me or in general.
1. What forms of service would you like to become more proficient at?
2. Are there any types of service that you dislike performing?
3. Any habits that you would like to get rid of?
4. Tell me why you feel that you deserve to serve me. Note: Many would disagree with this, but I feel that it's necessary for a person to tell me why they deserve to be at my feet. If they have no reason, that is fine, but they should try to find a tangible reason.
5. Write about how you feel about me as a person.
1. What you like, what you dislike.
2. Be completely honest.
3. Recognize both my faults and strong points.
6. Tell me what you'd require my help and assistance with and what level of patience you need in order for you to serve me to your optimal potential.
7. List any expectations that you have from me. Again, be upfront and honest; do not hide your desires.
8. Tell me what form of arrangement you are interested in — romantic, strictly D/s, one transitioning into the other?
9. Tell me how long of a time span you would like to serve me for.
10. Tell me what level of protocol you're interested in.
1. Let me know if you want to start at that level or if you want to build up to that level.
2. Be honest if you need help; do not be too proud or prideful.
11. Tell me your limits and areas that you would prefer to not have crossed.
1. Make sure to note whether it's a hard limit or one that can be pushed at my discretion.
12. Define submission and service. Tell me what it means to you to be submissive and to serve another.

Words About Pronouns

Capitalized pronouns. Many dislike them and will go so far as to not talk to people who use them; some love them and use them in everyday speech. A few think that they're ridiculous, unnecessary, a waste of time. I've even heard people say that they're excessive, pretentious, even showy. I wanted to share my opinion on capitalized pronouns since, after all, it's the only one that counts, right? I haven't written here in a long time, and I kept wondering what I was going to do. But I do that often, forget to update and then become indecisive about what to write. So here we go, a post about capitalized pronouns. Keep in mind that this is all my opinion; others have different opinions on the subject, so do not simply take mine as word.

Their Use
A submissive may capitalize their Dominant's pronouns during speech either to their Dominant or to others to show respect and acknowledgement of their place against their Dominant (or likewise, their Dominant's place against them). It shows the inequality, something that I personally strive for in a D/s relationship. The submissive is lesser, lower. The Dominant is the upper hand. Another aspect to capitalized pronouns is the "God" aspect, the viewing of one's Dominant as a God and as a sentient being. When a submissive views their Dominant as their God, it's a form of devotion; it puts the Dominant on a pedestal where no one else sits. In contrast to the capitalization of the Dominant's pronouns, the submissive may lowercase all words of self, such as pronouns or their name, for the same reason.

Usually, a Dominant will follow basic grammar rules during type and letters to others. They may deliberately lowercase their property's name or pronouns, but not their own because it's the submissive's job to do so. Say a Dominant was writing to a friend or sending an invitation to a party. They may simply lowercase the name of their submissive, but all other things will follow proper capitalization rules. It's not really the Dominant's job to make a fuss over pronouns or show their dominance by capitalizing every one of their own pronouns when referring to themselves or lowercasing each of the submissive's pronouns (even when the sentence begins) of their submissive's.

The basic point of it all is that it shows the difference. It shows the separation of the two, allowing them to be opposite sides of one coin. Quite honestly, as someone who loves capitalized pronouns, it also sends shivers up my spine when I see someone submit to me in that way. It says so much in one simple action of rejecting to hit the shift key or hitting it when it comes to me.

The Dilemma
Dominants capitalizing their own pronouns is something that I cannot comprehend. It's actually something that I see more frequently than the capitalization of a Dominant's pronouns by a submissive, sadly enough. If it's hard to understand what I mean by that, I'm talking about the capitalization of every possessive pronoun during conversation with anyone, words such as "my" and "mine." To put it plainly, this completely destroys the purpose of capitalized pronouns. When a Dominant capitalizes their own pronouns, they are basically saying that they are their own Dominant.

A friend of mine made a valid but incorrectly led point of how Dominants need to be able to maintain themselves in order to maintain a submissive, and that is why they would capitalize their own pronouns. While this is true, that thought process does not apply to capitalized pronouns. Maintenance and management, while both necessary, does not make a Dominant their own Dominant. It simply doesn't make sense, unless of course you happen to be your own Dominant. Which in that case, by all means, have fun capitalizing the words "my" and "mine." But if you're not, it truly looks quite absurd.

Personally, the only word that I capitalize (other than those that should be capitalized, so says grammar) is my title, Sir. Nothing more, nothing less. I also lowercase my slave's name, girl (or in the few times that her name is used, that is lowercased as well).

A Few Uses and Examples
A submissive to their Dominant

• May i get this for You, Sir/Ma'am/Miss?
• How are You today?
• Do You require anything of me, Sir?
• Is there anything i can do for You?
• i really enjoyed the paddle You used, thank You.

A Dominant to their submissive

• You did well, pet.
• slave, would you get me some water?
• Thank you for serving me so well, girl/boy.

Are Capitalized Pronouns for You?
This is something that you have to decide on your own. They're not for everyone; in fact, they're not for most. It's hard enough to try and get grammar down, but to add that element in is another task completely. It's something that a person would need to try out to see if they like. For some, it keeps them grounded. It keeps them forever conscious of their place. For others, it's just a bother and it takes too much of them (which is perfectly understandable, being a submissive or Dominant is a lot of work). For me, it's something I enjoy receiving because it makes me feel like I am viewed so highly, which is a sensation that I cannot get enough of.

So what happens when she stops being yours?

There were times when I thought that I was lying back on Cloud 9, a glass of wine in one hand, a book in the other, with my feet propped up on the back of a beautiful little...girl. She was mine, in the deepest, most sincere meaning of the word. She would be mine, forever, my sweet little girl, my sweet Lolita. We had talked of how things would be in the future, what would become of us as we aged, and she would curl up against me, giggle, and say things like, "Will you still love me when I'm all old and wrinkly?" I would then stroke her hair, smirk, and whisper, "Yes. I will always love my little girl."

When a man becomes a young lady's father, it is hard for him to ever let her go. No matter how many times she repeats the words, "I don't love you," "I don't want you," "I don't need you," he cannot see her as anything but his. The way she leads him on with her whines and tears gives him hope that something's there. But when there isn't, what is there for him to do? What about the little girl who used to have a daddy there for her? What happens to their lives, and how do they change? How do either of them move on?

There are times that I miss being a father. But then it comes back to me, and people say to me, "Isn't that what you wanted, though? For her to grow up, be an independent adult, for her to make you proud?" It is strange, how she is so happy without me, and how I now feel so unhappy. I suppose that I am unhappy because she is happy without me, something that I hate to admit. That she could live without me at all makes me feel as if everything that we supposedly were was a lie.

When does a daughter walk out on her father?

Well, look at a person whose daughter is their biological daughter. Look at runaways. Abuse—most times, abuse is the reason why a child would run away from home. But there is also that hint of being a teenager, of being stubborn, obnoxious, and wanting to be rebellious against the very people who put a roof over their head, buy them clothing and food.

For a father/daughter, Daddy/little girl, whatever you want to call it, relationship, it's no different—if the lifestyle is 24/7, every moment of every day, then the little girl is truly a little girl, with the mindset of a child. There is no roleplaying. There is no turning on and turning off the child in them. They simply are a child, and a daughter, to the father.

With Little Girl (I call her that now, because if I were to call her "mine," it would be incorrect—she still is, however, a little girl, and I'm not going to be rude and say that she isn't), I apparently was abusive of her and, as she termed it, "mean." I was a "mean daddy," and sometimes she would go so far as to say that I wasn't a daddy at all, just a jerk and an asshole. That was the teenager in her coming out, the angry, pissed off, "Parents are fuckheads and should all die" type of mentality.

Because I was "abusive and mean," she would do things to irk me and get on my bad side. It first started with her being blatantly disobedient. Then things escalated, and she started seeing other people. Then she finally, physically, cheated on me.

I believe that a part of me died that night that she told me that she had slept with someone else. I had been waiting for her, all night, to get home from work. I was going to call her, actually, and ask if everything was alright. I was worried that her and her mother had gotten into a car accident. But I did not call—I figured, "She'll call me if anything's wrong." And I figured, "Maybe work is keeping her late. They sometimes do that." Ironically, we had been fighting for a few days, and I wanted to apologize to her.

Of course, it is ironic how she ended up having to apologize for over nine months after she did that. Because she never stopped.

She did not stop cheating on me, and when I told her that I wanted for her to never speak to that person again, she said, "Okay, daddy..I won't, I promise..." Yet she did. She would tell me that she was out with family, and she'd be with him. She would tell me that she was out with a friend of hers, and she'd be out with him. She would tell me that she was busy that day, and she'd be out with him.

Right after she slept with him, I started to put rules into place. Playful rules that were easy to not break. And for two months, after she slept with him, I thought that everything was wonderful. She would come home after being out with her "mother," and we would talk, joke around, play, and she was very good to me. Very good to me, when it was all just a fake game.

I do not remember how I found out. I think that her friend told me. But when I found out that everything that we had been doing for the past two months, that everything she had been telling me were lies, I blew up. Who can blame me, really? Who can blame me, when I felt like a complete fool for thinking that Little Girl was mine, that I had her in my arms, that she was mine, only mine, and that everything was going so well?

There are times that I, yes, I, think, "Perhaps she did it for a reason, maybe I really was an asshole." But then I smack myself and say, "No. No, you were not the problem."

Things settled down a bit. She finally stopped seeing him, sometime a few months later, when he told her that if she wouldn't have sex with him, he would not speak to her. And of course, who'd she come crying to—daddy. Because daddy's always there. Daddy's there, to sit in his lap, cry on his chest, when she tells him that the man that she was cheating on daddy with had hurt her.

It was a slow transition, Little Girl changing to not being mine anymore. Then the question comes up, well, was she ever really yours? That is one that I do not know the answer to—she tells me that she was, one time. For a few weeks, she was. Then she changed the answer to a few days. But honestly, would I believe her if she said anything? If she were to tell me that she had been on my doorstep, waiting for me, would I even go to get the door? Probably not. I do not know which is worse—believing a person who you fell in love with, or believing a stranger, stranger being the one who told me that she had been going behind my back.

I think that it is worse to believe anyone, no matter the person. That is life, for you—can be wonderful, when it's wonderful.

So did she grow up ever? No. And perhaps that's why I'm unhappy. Because she left me, and she's still just a child, and I know that she's always going to be taken advantage of, she's never going to amount to anything, and she's never going to really be anything in life. It hurts to know that, that the girl who was once my little girl is never going to really be anything that I had wanted her to be—which was always the best that she could be.

At this point, where her and I stand now, she is off with another man, and they may be getting somewhere to live together. He apparently abused her after getting drunk. Or so she told me. Who knows whether she is just saying this to play with me or not. Who will ever know? And at this point, I am doing what I have to do—hurt, upset, angry, resentful, bitter, aggravated, stressed—but I am trying to get over her. I am surprised, actually, that I wrote all of this without crying—yes, I am a very emotional man (my father's the same way, and not surprisingly, him and my mum were in the same form of relationship as Little Girl's and mine).

Her and I were not together for that long—three and a half years—but it felt like in those years, so much has happened. I sometimes look back and say, "Wow. Look at that. Look at how much her and I have been through." And I miss her, sadly. I do miss her (or what I thought she was, at least). Not all of the time—only sometimes.

The Father/daughter aspect of our relationship really turned me off to the idea of ever having that again (and quite honestly, of ever having a serious relationship again)—I sometimes wonder how other people do it, how they can have a child and then break up with them and find another one. Seems like abandonment to me. So in my mind, she'll always be Little Girl, daughter, child, baby girl, beautiful girl, even if I am with someone else. Is that wrong of me? Yes. Is it extra baggage on a potential mate? Perhaps.

I am a Dominant, but it's funny, amusing, how I am such a loyal dog. A friend of mine always says to me, "Being in love makes you a fool," and it's true—it really does.

Note: The reason why I decided to post this was because I got a question a while back, asking what happens when a Master/slave relationship ends. And honestly, it's the same as any other relationship, depending on the people in the relationship—were there strong emotions? Was there any connection? Was there a set of strict rules for the submissive, how did the submissive act during the relationship, how did the Dominant act, all of that matters when a relationship ends.

It also depends, not surprisingly, on the type of people that are involved in the relationship. Little Girl was always a work, to say the least. She never understood her emotions, and she would sometimes let them out, but then shove them back into herself. This is probably why she led me on for so many years. Honest people—those who are honest with themselves—probably would not do what she did. So the way that the relationship would end would be very different, indeed.

Like anything, it depends on the people involved, and it depends on who those people are. It is not about the dynamic of the relationship, really.

Why I Don't Smoke Anymore

This Thursday, April 22nd, is Earth Day, and it's actually the 40th Earth Day in the history of our beloved Earth. To me, it does not feel that we've come anywhere in those forty years—everything that we're saying now, we've been saying for years, and any "improvements" that have been coming out lately have been out for a very long time. I used to not give a damn—in fact, I never really gave a damn about much of anything. But in the past few years, these issues of our planet have made themselves apparent, and action needs to be taken now to help it.

I was a smoker for a couple of years. When I say a couple, I mean three plus, which is not much in comparison to most. I understand their struggle to quit. But because of what's been happening, people must urge the adults of tomorrow, children of today, to never pick up a cigarette, to never break under the pressure of others, and to never, ever become addicted to something that will kill them.

Cigarettes are not only detrimental to the person smoking them. They hurt everyone, and everything, around their fumes—I have friends whose families encourage them to smoke, and I have friends whose "friends" think that it's fine. Smoking is not fine. There are hundreds of toxins in every cigarette, toxins that if those children who pick up those cigarettes knew what they were, would be disgusted at the fact that they even inhaled that. These poor children, trying to be "cool," trying to "fit in," trying to do everything that they can just so that someone will look at them, smoke cigarettes as a means for who knows what. I wish that I knew, so that I could reach out and take the cigarette, twist my shoe over it and tell them, "You are better than that."

I had stopped, back in 2008, after my partner at the time had threatened me with the end of our relationship if I had not stopped. She was worried for me, and had reason to be—I had not been doing so well, and my sicknesses were coming out more frequently. After stopping, I realized how much in my life I needed to change—everything completely changed at that point, it was not just my smoking habits. It was how I looked at life, how I looked at people, and more importantly, how I looked at myself.

Not surprisingly, the girl who I stopped because of picked up smoking a few years later and still is, for no reason at all other than because her friends also smoke.

Earth Day means a lot more than just attending events, giving money to useless organizations, and wearing shirts made of 100% cotton. It's a complete lifestyle change, like people say about losing weight—it's not a diet that you should be on, it should be a lifestyle change, one that will work. To me, Earth Day means recycling everything that possibly can be recycled, using as little as you can, walking to places if close enough, making sure that lights are off when the room is not being used, keeping showers to a minimum, buying from local markets as opposed to huge supermarkets, and so many more that I cannot even list them.

Earth Day is everything—people think that "the Earth has gone through so much, it will be fine," and that "the Earth is fine, it's not a big deal like everyone's making it out to be." But it is a big deal. People in many countries all over the world are dying of starvation, and in places where there is the most money, there is the least amount being done to better the planet. Why cause harm to something because it can "take the beating" when you can avoid beating it all together? Why not just take a few seconds out of the day, seconds that would otherwise be wasted, to put papers in the recycling bin, to turn off the faucet when done washing your hands, or to buy groceries that you know that you'll use as opposed to wasting them?

Why not celebrate Earth Day, for what it's worth, and start changing things today?