In Response to Someone's Post

A person on Fetlife posted about kicking out their slave from their home. They questioned if they did anything wrong, and where to go from here at this point in their life. Something to remember about ownership is to know what's yours better than they know themselves. How else will you keep them on their toes, keep them ready and at attention to serve? Their mind needs to be stimulated as a slave and also as an individual, as a human being (even if you treat them otherwise at times). So here is my response.

slaves are meant to be slaves. If her job was to be a service-oriented slave, and that is it, then her slave mindset needs to be stimulated. What did she need as your slave? Did you know her well enough to say? If you did not know her well enough to know what she needed as a slave, and as your slave, then she should not have been living with you. 

Something I've learned about slaves is that they need to be used, thoroughly and often. What that use is, however, is up to you. Of course, this isn't a steadfast rule, but this is what I've learned with my girls and boys. If you do not surprise or stimulate their mind or give them tasks beyond the mundane cooking and cleaning, they will talk back, become complacent. Find a strange or odd chore to give them - like going to the store and only buying green foods (an example). Or say you're needing a knife for something, yeah? Don't tell her what for. Just tell her to find the sharpest knife in the store. These are just a few examples of what you can do to keep up the pace. 

Now, if within a month and a half, she was already talking back, she certainly was not the slave for you. As I said, slaves are slaves. If her identity was that of a slave, she should uphold that title. If she was a submissive, I am more understanding. But as everyone else has said before me, I cannot pass any judgment without knowing the depth of the situation, from both sides. You need to find out what you did wrong, if you did anything wrong or out of line, and improve. Look into yourself.

On Mastery of the Self and D/s

As a slave asked me to explain what self-discipline was, I decided to explain how I became self-disciplined and how I continually grow on my path to mastery of the self. I do hope that you enjoy the read, and that perhaps it is helpful to those who are learning their own level of submission or Dominance.

On either side of the slash, we must maintain our sense of self, make sure that we are adequately fed in our service and receipt of that service, and that we continually and actively seek ways to learn more about our souls. slaves should always have the goal of complete and total surrender to the one who they serve, otherwise it is not being slave. Dominants should always seek to understand themselves and their needs in order to better communicate those needs to the ones who serve them.

When both are satiated, it creates a beautiful dynamic of power exchange and what I call love.

Self-discipline is learned through years of practice and generally keeping the voice in the back of the mind very loud. I have to calm myself on a regular basis. It is a technique that plenty of Dominants use to keep themselves in check in order to better maintain their property (both themselves and their slaves). When I start to sense myself acting out of anger, or becoming angry over little, nonsensical things, that is when I try my best to center myself. It is then that I keep my mind on my goals, where I would like to take this individual, and how I can get them there without breaking them in a way that I will not be able to build them afterward. 

It is very much the same for a slave; the slave must center itself and understand who this individual is that they are serving, and the importance their role is to their Dominant. The slave must question themselves, “Are my choices to his/her liking? Am I acting in a manner that will better serve his/her wishes?” The next line of questioning should be, “Why am I acting in a shameful manner? What is causing me to act in this way?” When the slave finds the answers to those questions, they must communicate this with their Dominant. It is imperative. This is how a slave becomes self-disciplined. Through growth, understanding, and keeping tabs on their actions, behaviors, and service.

Public Punishment

She looked down and shivered, her newly exposed breasts rising and falling with each breath. Her nipples hardened at the air. He re-sheathed his knife closed and grabbed a breast in his gloved hand, running the leather over the little buds.

"This is what you deserve for betraying me," he whispered in her ear. She didn't bother to look up, because she could hear the crowd's coos and hoots. Some were yelling remarks about whether or not her loins had become hot, others simply made yells and animalistic growls.

This is what she deserved. Her wrists tied to the pillar, her upper body bare and moving as she breathed. She heard him draw his knife again, and the tip of the blade poked at her lower back.

And then it toyed with the edge of her skirt, and was brought down in one quick slice.

Poly and Me

Otherwise known as, "How Monogamous Can You Get?"

I've had plenty of poly experiences in the past; enough to make me positive that it isn't what I desire, even if it's done healthily and all parties are fully aware and kept up to date with happenings. I am monogamous to an extreme extent. Now what does that mean?

1. I won't look at other people and find them any form of sexually or mentally stimulating.
2. I will not comment on or think of the physical appearance of people other than my property.
3. I will not compare a partner's or slave's servitude to another human being's.
4. I will not interrupt our time together with other people who are trivial; this basically refers to friends.
5. I will make our relationship my third priority, third to my personal growth career-wise and family (until my partner becomes my family, at which point they come second; then, when I am settled in my career, my family comes first).
6. I do not have intercourse with people outside of relationships with them.
7. I prefer to not play with people unless I'm in a relationship with them. Yes, I do currently play with multiple people because I am, at the time, not in a committed relationship.
8. I am not an unfaithful individual, and I see no reason to touch or "talk" with others outside of the relationship.
9. I will focus entirely on the growth and development of the relationship.
10. I strive to make myself the most healthy and positive individual that I can be in order to be good for my property.

Perhaps this isn't how people "do" relationships. Perhaps I am more eccentric than I had previously thought. But I am an extremely devoted, loyal individual. This isn't to say that poly people cannot be loyal or devoted; I simply have found that poly people feel less obligated to be in lieu of them being poly and not having to be beholding to anyone or anything. I feel that that's, to be blunt, bullshit, but so be it.

For me, D/s comes before romantic relationships. That is part of the point. I do not do the frou-frou, "Master, please hit me!" in the bedroom crap. That's fine if you do, and of course there's nothing wrong with it. But my enjoyment in D/s and ownership comes from having someone whose main focus is me; who I can make my main focus (and I inadvertently do, even if they haven't made me theirs). My experiences with poly have been negative because the people I was involved with did not put their service to me first and foremost, before their other relationships. Essentially, they allowed ours to die while keeping their others thriving.

One day, I hope that someone will show me a poly relationship where the people do not cheat, actually keep communication open, and devote themselves entirely to their D/s relationship as well as their other relationships. But that's wishful thinking, considering the fact that even monogamous relationships lack the languages of love that so many talk about.

Random Worries of Being in the Lifestyle

When I have the means and the space to keep a child, I'd like to have one or two (by adoption, more than likely). And I have to wonder: what if they're not into BDSM? The bigger question is, where will all of my wonderful things go when I die?

Currently, I have no one who I would pass my gear onto, but when I reach about sixty, hopefully I'll have it all laid out (if I reach that age, that is).

Here's to hoping that I have children who will love the feeling of leather and cuffs as much as I do, and who will carry on my legacy.

-Sir