30 Days of Kink: Difficulty with Being in the Lifestyle

Day 16: What are the most difficult aspects of having a sexuality that involves kink or BDSM for you personally?

For me personally, everything about it has been difficult. I'm not too much interested in sex itself, to be fully honest. I can only get off when kink is involved. It's my lifestyle choice as well as a huge part of what turns me on and makes me orgasm. The problem with that is that it's very difficult not only to find a partner locally, but to find someone who is on the same wavelength as me.

I have a lot of interests that are generally thought of as "edgeplay," though I see them as quite common. The difficulty with that is that a lot of people are not willing to participate in them, and then it makes for a bad situation because I cannot get off, I am dissatisfied, and I am generally in a state of disappointment and aggravation. I've had a lot of trouble, actually, finding a mate. I was in a relationship with my girl for four years, and along the way had people who would have been better for me that I denied because I was caught up over her. Now, it's hard to find anyone. Funny how that works out.

I've tried, the past year or so, to find someone who I can be compatible with. People ranging from vanilla to extremely into BDSM. As it stands, I am a Dominant without my other. I have a few people who may be possibilities for the future, but I'm content with being single at the moment. It's not the most desirable, but it happens. I have a play partner who basically serves a purpose of, "Hey, I've got something I want to try out, want to come over?" And I do the same for them. However, it's nothing beyond that.

Another difficulty is outside of relationships completely, like with friends or coworkers. Especially someone like me who is open about everything that I'm into. I never hold back, and it sometimes puts people off when they ask me, "So what do you look for in a partner?" and I tell them point-blank what I look for. I know that I have put some people off at my job in regards to it, so I try to not discuss such matters in the workplace anymore. But if I am asked questions, I do not lie: I tell it like it is. Not my fault that someone else asked me a question regarding my lifestyle! I'm hoping that it doesn't get me fired in the future.

But in reality, I am content with how things are right now. I go to my local dungeon every once in a while now, and it's good for me because I'm getting more involved in the local scene than I had before. It's not necessary that I have a partner or significant other, though it would be nice. I am happy with life as it is.