30 Days of Kink: Playing on the Internet

Day 26: What’s your opinion on online BDSM play?

Well, we've just walked into some murky water here, haven't we? See, the lifestyle online has not been a good experience for me. My ex of four years and I were actually in a long-distance relationship, so much of our time was online, both playing and training. Sad, but true. For some reason, she thought that she could disobey me since I couldn't see what she was doing. Funny, no? But my opinion on online playing is that it can work for some, but I'm not interested in it. In fact, I'm not interested in many of the things I used to be interested in.

I'm not interested in seeing a partner on webcam.

I'm not interested in engaging in cyber sex with a partner, regardless of the circumstances.

I'm not interested in having my submissive punish themselves with a belt or other tool, as it does me no good because they never do it hard enough.

Online play and having any form of relationship over the internet is usually just not good. It's not good for me because I cannot trust people long-distance, or even who live fifteen minutes away. I have extreme trust issues (when I say extreme, I mean it) and it is very difficult, nearing impossible, to get me to trust a person completely. This is why I have these views. I'm not saying that it's bad for anyone, because it's not. It can be a good thing. I can introduce someone to what the BDSM community has to offer. It can introduce a person to the possibilities, the ideas, what can happen. But it can also be bad, if not done correctly.

In general, for people new to the lifestyle, I would say that finding a mentor is the best route to take. I never had one, sadly, and I'm still trying to find someone who I find honorable enough to mentor me and teach me the proper ways to use certain tools and mediums. I only know just enough to get by, and I find that unacceptable. However, as I was saying, the best thing for a person new to this wonderful BDSM world is to find a mentor who shares common interests and values and then for them to get themselves exposed both to the local community and perhaps different implements and methods of play. The internet can be a great source for many things, but practice makes perfect in so many ways, and the only way to practice is to do.

I do hope that this post made sense. My mind is a bit jumbled lately from all of the work I've been doing with my courses and everything else, so do forgive me. If you need any clarification on anything I've said, just let me know!

-Sir

30 Days of Kink: Transparency

Day 25: How open are you about your kinks?

Generally, I'm the sort of person that tells it like it is and doesn't sugarcoat things. I am completely open about my being in the BDSM lifestyle as well as my side job on Edenfantasys as a reviewer. I am open about it at work, I am open about it with my family members, and I am open about it with friends and potential partners. I don't leave anything secret, but I do warn that if the person doesn't want to be either shocked or surprised by information that they should keep their questions to themselves.

Since I have a slave now, I do not refer to her in conversation by her first name. It's simply not something I use often. I refer to her as the slave, my slave, or my girl. People's eyes might go wide, but I do not really care too much. If they didn't want to talk to me, they don't have to, and I'll leave them alone. If they ask me to keep the information to myself, I will. But if they ask questions, they are consenting to receive answers, and it simply isn't my fault that they disliked the answers they received.

I stand by my lifestyle choice, and it is who I am. It does not affect me in a work environment. In fact, I think that it enhances it, since I am able to both stand up for myself and bow when I need to (to my higher ups and superiors) since I understand hierarchy and where I fall down the line. It also makes me a better teacher, more patient, understanding, and conscious of the words I use and the things I say to my students. If an employer dislikes my lifestyle choice, well, that is their choice to dislike it. But it is my choice to engage in it. I do not bring it to my work space, I do not bring my riding crops or canes with me to work. I am very professional, and good at what I do, so I see no reason to hide who I am.

On the whole, it's just a part of me, and I wouldn't have it any other way.