30 Days of Kink: Ethics

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Day 11: What are your views on the ethics of kink?

There's a line that's always drawn between abuse and what's acceptable in BDSM relationships. Me, I've always sort of teetered on that line, to be fully honest, both on the receiving and giving end. I've done some things that I'm not proud of, and I've had things done to me that I'm not particularly happy about either. However, it's always been a learning experience and an increased knowledge both of myself and how I react to things.

But in terms of a general idea of my views on such things, it's hard to say. I do not believe that a safe word is necessary. I do not believe that people need to necessarily fit to one standard or rule. I also do not believe that consent is always necessary. You can disagree or agree with me however you'd like, but I do feel that when someone is my slave, the need for a safe word, the right to their body, and their right to choose what I do with it is gone. That being said, it is my duty as their owner to take care of and cherish them as if they were my own flesh and blood.

But let's talk about BDSM as a whole, and the ethics on it as a lifestyle. I honestly think that there's nothing wrong with being in a BDSM-centered relationship, which makes sense considering the fact that I myself am into the 24/7 lifestyle. Many people do not understand or misinterpret what being a slave or Dominant really means—some people think that it means abuse, or that it's silly, that it's roleplaying, or that it's a game. But to me, they are roles and they are who we are. Because of that, I do not understand why there's a problem with being into BDSM. A person cannot control who they are. They can control their actions, how they act upon things, but if two consenting individuals decide to engage in a 24/7, D/s or M/s relationship, then that is their business, their choice, and their right.

30 Days of Kink: Limits

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Day 10: What are your hard limits?

I usually tell people that I only have two limits: scat and animals. Which is generally true, honestly, however I do have many more. The only things that I absolutely will not ever do are those, but there are many other things that I'm not fond of/not interested in. One of them is submission—simply not me, whatsoever. Another is when people tell me to do something or tell me what I should be doing. If it's a coworker or higher up, then I'm not too bad with it and can bow down, so to speak, but if someone who is my equal or lesser tells me to do something, it gets me a bit annoyed.

But those are more of pet peeves, aren't they? Not really hard limits of mine, and considering the fact that I would never be with someone who would expect or want such things of me, I suppose that I'm all good there. But the two that I definitely will not touch or do are scat and animals. That doesn't mean that I'm not into anal, because I am. But the thought of licking, eating, touching, or enjoying someone else's...simply makes me a bit sick to my stomach. When it comes to animals, I am actually also alright with furries and pet play. In fact, I love pet play. I love it when my partner acts like a kitty or puppy and crawls to me. I love having my slave on a leash. But animals outside of human beings, I will not touch.

I think that outside of that, I would try most things. I'm not much into vac beds or hoods, but if my partner was interested, I would indulge their interests and give it a go.

30 Days of Kink: Kinky Media

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Day 9: Post a kink related song or music video you enjoy.

Since I'm extremely boring, one of the songs that sticks out in my mind as very bdsm-reminiscent is Master and Servant by Depeche Mode, for obvious reasons. I've always really loved Depeche Mode and The Cure, so I'll also post their song Fascination. It's extremely damn hot. Also, I'll post some more recent videos that drive me mad with their beautiful scenes, fetishwear, and styles.


Alright, so that's enough of me posting videos for now. Enjoy, have fun!

30 Days of Kink: Erotic Photographs

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Day 8: Post a kinky image you find erotic.

First, let me direct you to my Tumblr, since I post practically every photograph that I find attractive, erotic, a turn-on, or that encompasses one or more of my interests. Now I'll post some of my most favorite photographs and animated images for your enjoyment.

30 Days of Kink: Favorite

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Day 7: What’s your favorite toy?

The problem with this question is that I'm not sure exactly how to answer it. In terms of sex toys, my favorite would definitely have to be the combination of my Joque harness and Goodfella prosthetic. It's what I use for sex, every time that I have sex (except for the rare occasions where I use something else—note rare). I really love how comfortable the Joque harness is, and silicone is just a great material for prosthetics (especially vixskin, with its realistic feel). But in terms of bdsm products, I really cannot even say what my favorite is—I have so damn many! So to make this easy, I will go with the scallop brow pony bridle, since I just cannot describe its beauty with words alone. I'm not really into pony play, per se, but I love the accessories and accouterments that go along with it. Bit gags, hobbles, hooves, bridles, plumes—it all is very beautiful to me.

30 Days of Kink: Fantasies

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Day 6: Describe your weirdest/most interesting sexual fantasy.

Eyes flutter open to darkness, dim lighting in a cold room. The immediate reaction is the skin's change from soft to pebbled, then the adjusting of the pupils to focus on something, anything. They move around a bit, testing the shackles and squinting their eyes, looking in the direction of candles placed on a desk where implements are laid out, ready, waiting.

"You took surprisingly long." Somewhere, where did the voice come from? They don't know that it's from a chair, directly across from them. Legs folded, fingers tapping the arm rests. Bored. Contemplative. What direction should I take this in, which way should I go? Getting up causes a disturbance in the room's silence, but it's short, fast. Implement chosen, I move to them and run its tails along their thighs. "You're late."

They sigh and cough, then shift again under the restraints. Loosened tie, collar unbuttoned, laughing at the mere sight of them. I press the handle of the flogger between their thighs, rubbing it against them; I elicit a soft noise, get the reaction I've been waiting for. I bring the tails down against their thigh once, twice, three times, keep hitting them more and more until they finally cry out.

Then quiet. Nothingness.

Pure, empty room. I take a step back, set the flogger down, and pick up the candle. "Lift your thigh." They shake their head, put their thighs together tightly in defiance. Disobedience. Despicable, disgusting. My hand meets their cheek and my fingers wrap around their throat as I pour the wax down their body so that it reaches their naval, their legs. I put the candle on their shoulder, blow it out, and then spit in their face. "You disgust me," whispering in their ear as I undo my pants, let myself free. My grip tightens on their neck and they thrash around, the candle falling to the floor as wax gets all over the place.

Dirty. So dirty.

"Such a slut. Fucking whore." Legs lifted, thighs wrapped around my hips, hair in my hands as I enter them, their wrists rubbing against the shackles, burning and bleeding. My teeth sink into their skin, gnawing on any place that flesh resides, lips, neck, chest, arms. Bruises embedded in skin as they scream no, no, please, no, please stop.

But I can't, won't, don't want to. Fueled to keep going by their pleas, just want to come inside of them over and over again, fill them with all of me.

I stop. Let their body go limp, legs shaking as they fall. I undo their shackles, and they try to run, but I grab them by their hair and pull them back as they scream once more. Silenced by my hand smacking their face, making them fall to the floor. I press their cheek down with my shoe, and laugh.

"You don't leave until I'm done with you."

Never.

Thigh/Wrist Cuff Set by Sportsheets

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Plushy, cushy, soft, and easy to wear, this regular thigh and wrist cuff set by Sportsheets is a good starting set for any couple. The set is non-intimidating, has Sportsheets' logo on all of the cuffs, and is so comfortable that it should be fine for any individual to wear. I recently got the set from Fascinations, a great company where you can buy a nice variety of products for your bedroom needs, like vibrators, anal toys, and masturbators.

The cuffs come packaged in a plastic clam shell packaging with a paper insert. It's not the most discreet, of course, but it can be easily recycled if you don't feel like using it for storage. I personally feel that it's a bit bulky, and it's much easier to hide or put away the cuffs in a drawer or box. The back of the packaging notes that the cuffs fit up to 30" (not true), but they should be a good size for most people.

What makes these cuffs so comfortable is that they're made out of neoprene, a sort of rubber material that's very soft and plushy. The material that will be touching the skin is spandex, since a thin layer of spandex is attached to the smooshy neoprene. Sewn on top of the neoprene is a nylon strap, which is actually what the cuffs close by. Like backpack straps, the ankle cuffs have sliding buckles for an easy-on, easy off restraint. The wrist cuffs, on the other hand, close by velcro, but it's a fairly strong velcro so long as it's kept clean. They're entirely black, so they're very simple and easy on the eyes. They also cross over into rougher play, if you choose to get to that point.

In terms of sizing, the wrist cuffs can fit as small as a few inches around (they can adjust to very small sizes since they close by velcro), and as large as 12". The thigh cuffs can fit sizes from 14" to 23½". Keep in mind that if you are above a certain size, the nylon straps will be touching your skin as opposed to the neoprene, which can cause some discomfort if you thrash around too much (due solely to rope/rug burn).

Since you are getting a pair of both wrist and thigh cuffs, there are many different positions and scenes that you can play out with these. Have your partner in a butterfly position to keep their legs spread for more ease of access, or keep their arms at their sides to keep them in a "calm, submissive state." On each of the sets of cuffs are rings and snap links, which make it great for switching positions or moving around. If you have an under-the-bed restraint system like I do, this is most excellent because you can easy attach the cuffs to the straps under the bed.

When you're done playing and are ready to put away your cuffs, if you have gotten any sweat or fluids on them, a quick wipe-down with a wet cloth should be sufficient. If there are any stains, a mild soap would work as well. Neoprene is a very strong material that should hold up against most washes, so don't worry too much about wearing these out or deteriorating the material. Do make sure to dry them completely though before storing.

Though Sportsheets' thigh and wrist cuffs aren't my everyday cuffs of choice (I prefer my leather cuffs, I'm not going to lie), they are perfect for spontaneous moments or times when I am unprepared. This is why I keep them in my car (yes, I have cuffs in my car). I figure, if I won't be using them often, why not put them somewhere where I may need them, just in case? They're cheap enough and sturdy enough to be kept out in the hot sun and not break, crack, or tear. Leather would do all of these, so it's nice to have a neoprene set of cuffs that I can leave in the trunk for those times when I'm thinking on impulse.

To purchase these cuffs and other things for your sex toy needs, head on over to Fascinations where you can find vibrators, lubricant, and other bdsm products! They ship everything discreetly in plain brown shipping boxes, so you don't have to worry about anyone knowing what will be arriving at your door!

A special thanks to Fascinations for sending me these cuffs, free of charge, for my honest review.
Thank you!

30 Days of Kink: First Actual Experience with Kink

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Day 5: What was your first kinky sexual experience? If you haven’t had one yet, talk about what you hope to have happen.

To be fully honest, I hardly remember my first experience with it. It was sort of just me being tied up and that's about it. Yes, my first experience did involve me being the "sub," so to speak. However, my most memorable experience, though it wasn't my first, was with my first submissive. It was a pretty intense scene where I used multiple implements and it ended with me grabbing the back of their head and fucking them really hard. It was pretty damn good.

I wish that I had more to say about this subject, but I honestly don't. First experiences are rarely the best, and I think that in this case, it just gets better over time. Maybe Day 6's post will be a bit better...

30 Days of Kink: Childhood Experiences

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Day 4: Any early experiences that, in retrospect, hint at your kinks?

Let me first tell you a bit about my family, so that it makes more sense as to why I had these experiences. My uncle was a Dominant, and he was heavily into the scene. When I was very small, say, around age one, my parents would take me to his woodworking shed. I had this obsession with the wood chips that would come off of his sculptures. When he died, my parents still exposed me to leather shops because I always wanted to go into them. Leather jackets, leather gloves (oh god, leather gloves), leather cowboy boots...I loved and wanted them all.

Some of the movies that I fell in love with in my childhood also hinted at my want to be someone's prince, someone's owner, someone's confidant and lover. One movie in particular that's very clear to me is Labyrinth, a movie that remains as one of my favorites. The way that Jareth wanted to hold control over Sarah was simply beautiful, and I always saw myself as a person very much like Jareth. I used to go so far as to dress up as him every Halloween. One of my favorite quotes from the movie is, "Fear me, love me, do as I say, and I will be your slave."

It may come as odd, but I also found it extremely attractive for people to be led around on leashes when I was very young. I once saw a lady being walked by her male partner and I just thought to myself, "One day, I want that. I want to lead someone around like that." It was an odd thought for a child to have, but I had it, who knows why. Also, I suppose that in relation to being a Dominant, I've always loved teaching others. It's always given me this sort of deep, embedded pleasure, to teach another person and have them learn and grow because of me.

Another thing that I did when I was young was play with my parents' floggers. Since my parents were switches and more of bedroom players, they had quite a few nice floggers and whips. I would take them, steal them, play with them, and generally enjoy them. They found it amusing and "cute," that I loved them so much.

30 Days of Kink: Self Discovery

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Day 3: How did you discover you were kinky?

This one is actually a bit amusing, because me being into the lifestyle was never something that I "discovered." I always knew that I was into it in some way—that I wanted to tie someone up, that I wanted to flog them and smack them, that I wanted to get out handcuffs and incapacitate them. What I didn't know, which is probably what I should talk about, was how much I was into the lifestyle, how much of a high protocol, sadistic Dominant I was. How much I wanted to own and possess another person, completely and entirely.

At one point in my life, I saw it as just a bedroom play thing. Yes, it's true, I did. Then I got into a relationship with my first submissive, and it was quite interesting. They weren't so much disobedient as they were an annoyance and irritation. I was not too into them, but I did at least find out what I wanted in a relationship. Soon after that, I got into a relationship for four years with my ex, Amber. She was a little horror, but I again found out a lot about myself in terms of what I need in a relationship. She brought out my DaddyDom side, which I hadn't known even existed.

Since tomorrow's post is about childhood experience, I'll save all of what I would have said about my self-exploration and discovery for tomorrow. A lot of it had to do with the experiences that I had as a kid, and these very clear, vivid memories that I have that tell me, "Yeah, I knew what I was into from the beginning." The way I found out was when it was brought out of me by others, and that's probably similar to other people as well. It's very hard to just one day say, "Oh, I'm into this," until you experience it, put yourself in the situation, and then find out how you truly feel about it.

30 Days of Kink: Kinks

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Day 2: List your kinks.

Honestly, it's hard for me to make a list. I am into so many things that it's hard to write them all down and not positively, absolutely bore people. So, I'll just copy what I have from my Fetlife account. I tried to organize them as best as I could and cut down/group things according to how well they fit together. The ones that are most notable, to me, are what I've underlined. Though all are necessary, there are some that are needs as opposed to wants—the needs are the ones that will be underlined.

Lifestyle interests
  • 1950s household
  • Master/slave
  • Sadism/masochism
  • age play and infantilism
  • Daddy/daughter dynamic
  • dollification/feminization
  • high protocol
  • internal enslavement
  • kitten/puppy/other pet play
  • owning/collaring
  • power exchange
  • Predator/prey
  • Victorian lifestyles

Action fetishes (i.e. what I enjoy participating in)
  • bare bottom, bare handed, and over-the-knee spanking
  • bathroom use, orgasm, and action denial/control
  • listening to someone beg
  • behavior modification
  • being clawed or scratched to death while making love
  • belt spankings/whippings
  • biting/being bitten
  • seeing others blush
  • rope/other bondage, suspension
  • boot licking
  • breast/nipple torture
  • caging/confinement
  • giving bruises
  • wax play
  • consensual nonconsent/rape play
  • watching others crawl
  • watching others cry
  • degradation/humiliation
  • discipline
  • having my fingers sucked
  • fisting
  • flogging, whipping, paddling, beating
  • hair pulling
  • interrogation
  • knife play
  • obedience training
  • panty-sniffing
  • watersports/urination
  • sensory deprivation

Fetishwear and products
  • animal tail butt plugs
  • argyle/white knee-high socks, frilly ankle socks
  • ball gags
  • blindfolds
  • bullwhips, riding crops, floggers, paddles, dragontails
  • buttoned-down, collared shirts with rolled up shirtsleeves
  • chastity devices
  • clothespins, clover clamps
  • collars and leads/leashes
  • gas masks
  • cuffs, shackles, slave links
  • leather; leather gloves/clothing/accessories
  • latex; latex clothing/accessories on others
  • lace
  • pigtails
  • SS/Nazi uniforms
  • posture collars
  • remote-controlled devices
  • ribbons, clips, and bows
  • sippy cups
  • slave bells
  • spreader bars

30 Days of Kink: Define Your Kinky Self

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Day 1: Dom, sub, switch? What parts of BDSM interest you? Give us an interesting, in-depth definition of what that means to you. Basically, define your kinky self for us.

I am a full-time, high protocol, extremely controlling and sadistic Dominant. The 1950s lifestyle, having my slave service me, clean my house, present themself to me, and be my muse and everything daily really gets me going. It's not so much a fetish as a need, though I suppose that that's the same thing. I love when a person cooks for me—it's the easiest way to get into my heart. I also love seeing things neat and tidy, except for my desk. If a submissive of mine ever touched my desk without my permission, I would get horribly upset.

BDSM is more than just a game to play in the bedroom, or even a game to play every once in a while. It's a constant struggle and ecstasy, a constant pushing and pulling of emotion, attraction, passion. It's not just a title, to be called a Dominant. It's me, having someone give their life and soul over to me, having them put that control in my hands and saying, "Here, take this, I trust you." It's the ultimate bond of trust, and maybe that's why I need to be in such a relationship so much. I cannot stand a relationship without that bond, without that power exchange.

I'm a Dominant, but I'm not the only one with power. My slave, in their own selfish, sadistic way, will control me. My emotions, my rules. How I play the game, what piece I choose to move and what rule I choose to break. Or what rule I choose to make, if that's the case. I let them have that control over me so that I know that we're both grounded to each other. Ultimately, I make the decisions, I make the rules. But a person technically has free will—to disobey, to run away, to listen, and to learn. Getting them to do the positives, as opposed to the negatives, is a struggle. It takes time, and patience—something that I am still learning.

Where's Sir Been?

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Ah, yes, it's another one of those posts. I have neglected my blog for, what, six months now? I feel horrible for it, I do. But, on the bright side, I've been working a lot and getting much closer to finishing my degree! That's really why I have been so absent. I am working many hours now, on top of attending school and dealing with certain personal issues. If you want any more information, do feel free to send me an email or even write me a little comment here, I'd be happy to share more. For now, things are looking up for me, and I'm trying to get back into review-writing mode!

So what's coming up for The Art of Lovemaking? Well, I have a review coming up for Fascinations, as well as a few new reviews on my Edenfantasys' page. I also will be updating my Personal Store very soon, probably within the next week or two. In addition to all of that, I'll be writing my "30 Days of Kink" posts, starting tomorrow (or maybe tonight, who knows). I'll be going to the Woodshed tonight, so I'm not sure whether I'll be up to it or not.

With that being said, I hope that all of my followers and readers have been well, and I will be updating again soon! I haven't disappeared off of the face of the earth, I promise!

-Sir
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