30 Days of Kink: Questions for me?

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Day 20: Questions from my readers and followers.

Since the original topic for Day 20 really didn't go well with me, I decided to take a few questions/topics from my blog and Twitter followers. The original topic was, "Talk about something within kink/bdsm that you’re curious about/don’t understand." Which, in all honesty, there is not one thing that I'm curious about and that I don't understand. I'm not saying that I know everything, because I don't; I'm simply saying that, if introduced to something new, I would not shun it, and I would most likely try and learn as much about it as possible. Here are the questions that I received, and I hope that my answers help out!

1. Can a virtual relationship transition to "real" D/s?
Here's the deal with this one. There is no such thing as "real" D/s, only what one person defines it as and what one person feels it is. However, there are things to avoid and things that are general rules that should be followed. That being said, I feel that an online or long-distance relationship can certainly transition to an in-person, 24/7 D/s relationship. Very possible. My ex and I were long-distance and we met online, and we certainly transitioned rather easily to an in-person D/s relationship. Regardless of the horrors that went on in that relationship, it still made me believe that it's definitely possible to work out.

Here are some things to keep in mind if you do plan on transitioning from online to in-person:
  • Make sure that you are both clear on your expectations of each other.
  • Do not expect things to be exactly as you imagined them.
  • Be open-minded and understanding.
  • Be willing to grow with each other.
  • Make sure that you discuss many facets of the lifestyle before engaging in something in-person.
  • Get to know each other in-person before engaging in anything that may be considered extreme or edge play.
  • Make sure to meet in a public place for the first few meetings, and be safe!

2. What's the proper (or improper) term for someone who just likes to be paddled, whipped, or general pain, but does not like D/S or role-playing or anything other than pain?
You know, in all honesty, there is no "proper" term for that, though the general term would be "kinky." Notice how I did not say that they were a kinkster or fetishist, because those are terms for people who are generally into the lifestyle itself. There's always the possibility that the person could simply be a vanilla individual who just likes to have a little fun sometimes. The real proper term is whatever the individual themselves deems proper. If they do identify as a kinkster or fetishist, then that's the proper term. If they identify as vanilla, then that would be the proper term. It's very broad, and there is no one "right" way.

3. Have you ever been the submissive in a relationship?
Technically speaking, many years ago, yes, I was. It was my first D/s relationship, and it honestly just wasn't me. I was very good at being subservient since I knew what I would want of someone who was mine, but it was false and it was me doing it because I thought that I had to. I was very young and thought that, because of that, I had to be submissive and subservient. But internally, that is not who I am. I had the mindset of being a Dominant since I was very small. It wasn't so much ordering people around as it was expecting better of them and expecting them to please me. Certain little hints of it when I was a child. Submission and slavehood was never anything that was in my personality coding. I have not since then, and do not plan to ever again. It's simply not who I am.


Thank you all for the questions, and I would love to do this again sometime! Remember, you can ask me questions any time on my formspring either anonymously or with your account. I try to answer all questions that seem like more than just spam, so feel free to ask me anything (so long as it's not offensive and/or discriminatory).

30 Days of Kink: How Kink Has Improved My Life

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Day 19: Any unexpected ways kink has improved your life? If so, what are they?

I wouldn't say that kink has improved my life in any unexpected way, honestly. But it has made me improve as a person, an individual, a man, and an adult. Because of being into the lifestyle, I learned to manage another human being and more importantly, manage and control myself. I am still working on that when it comes to anger (I do have a problem with that when I become too emotionally attached to someone), but I am still learning and growing.

Because of being in the lifestyle, I've learned so much about where my place in life is, when I must bow and when I must stand, who I must bow to and who I need to overcome. It may sound odd for a Dominant to say, but I am not always in a Dominant role, though I am always dominant. My bosses and supervisors do have power over me, which I give them, gladly. If I had not been into this lifestyle (which I was born into it, so I do not believe that that would be possible anyway), I probably would be a bit more resistant, a bit more annoyed at having to bow down to someone. But because I realize my place in life, I'm able to have that balance, that knowledge that this person is my superior and in order to be given, I must give.

It's the same for slaves, I feel, and it's what I expect from a slave—that they give to me without expectations of receiving, simply for the fact that I am their superior and that they realize that fact. These are all things I would not have learned had I not been into the lifestyle.

In addition to all of my personal growth, I have met some amazing people and some great individuals who, even though they may not agree with me at times, are great to talk to and are very reliable in so many ways. It's a wonderful community to be a part of, and I am so glad that I am. Not only is it who I am intrinsically, it's enjoyable, fun, exciting, and an experience in and of itself every single day. And hey, I also learned how to throw a flogger, crack a whip, use a riding crop, smack a girl on the ass, and fuck real damn good. But that all comes with the territory.

Pete Trunks by SpareParts

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The Pete line of packing underwear/straps by SpareParts makes packing a lot easier and a lot less bulky than wearing a regular strap or harness as would have otherwise been necessary. Now you can pack while wearing underwear because you'll be packing with your underwear, instead of having layers and layers underneath your clothing. No more worries of straps, adjusting buckles, or your packer sitting away from your body—now it just sits against you like it's your own appendage!

For now, let's talk about the trunks. They're form-fitting, have about an inch of length for the inseam, and are box-cut, which looks really sexy on most v-shaped body types. Individuals with more curvy/shapely bodies can wear them as well as they are very comfortable and very easy to wear under pants, skirts, shorts, or just alone! They also give that masculine feel, because trunks just line the package and ass so nicely. The elastic band is pretty stretchy, but in general, the trunks are tight, so keep that in mind before ordering. My trunks were a size small, which is stated as fitting 28" to 30" hips/waist. Edenfantasys does have their size chart listed, and I would say that it's pretty accurate. However, if you like a looser fit like me, buy a size up.

Made of the same material as the Joque and Theo harnesses, the Pete trunks are 88% nylon and 12% spandex-jersey blend. It's very similar to swimsuit material, but it doesn't pill after washing or wearing (thank god!). It hugs the ass and thighs, but surprisingly doesn't dig into the skin uncomfortably. However, the waistband does. I found the waistband to be slightly irritating, regardless of the fact that it fit me correctly. However, that could be because I'm used to my underwear having a bit of a looser fit.

Now, the part that makes the trunks special is the addition of the little pouch in the front where the pubic area is. Touching the skin are two overlaying flaps of the nylon/spandex material, which can be spread apart to put your packer or STP in. In front of that is another layer that has a small hole, which the shaft of the prosthetic can be pulled through. And finally, in front of that (the last layer) is the actual layer that is on the same level as the trunks themselves, and it has a slit on the side so that if you are wearing an STP, you can still use the bathroom regularly. Even though the hole is stretchy, I've noticed that the edges where it's sewn are starting to split a bit. That kind of saddens me, but what can you do? If wearing a packer, I suggest putting the packer in the trunks before pulling them up to try and prevent this from happening. Maybe me adjusting it with the trunks already on isn't such a good idea.

There was something odd about the make of these, though. On the layer of fabric where the hole is, there was this little elastic band. I wasn't sure what it was for, but I had read that you could put the back of your packer through it as well (or pull the shaft through that and then through the hole in the front). Well, I tried, and mine ripped clear off. Petty crappy, but what can you do? I ended up using a seam ripper to pull the rest of it off and just left it, since my prosthetic stays perfectly fine when it's just pulled through the hole in the middle layer.

The logo of the trunks.
To wrap this up, I want to say that I absolutely love my Pete trunks. They're really quite the cool pair of trunks, and they look good too! They make it much easier to pack since I don't have to let my prosthetic sit against my skin (which allows upkeep to be much easier) and I also don't have to worry about any mishaps, like my prosthetic falling out onto the floor, having it rub against me the wrong way, being uncomfortable/itchy, and having to constantly readjust. In fact, I rarely need to readjust myself when I'm wearing the SpareParts' Pete trunks, which is great.

Note: For cleaning, make sure to put these in the wash or hand wash these the first time alone. This is just to keep safe and keep the dye from getting on your other clothes. I know that I had a problem with my Joque and the dye rubbing off on other things, so I highly recommend washing the trunks with darks for their first time or separately/alone.

Wanting to purchase a pair of Pete trunks for yourself? Interested in the jock strap or briefs? Head on over to Edenfantasys to get your very own, and throw in a packer while you're at it! Get 15% off your total order when you enter the code B5P at your checkout. Happy shopping!

product picture
Packing strap by SpareParts
Material: Nylon / Spandex
This product was provided free of charge to the reviewer.

30 Days of Kink: Pet Peeves in the Community

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Day 18: Any kinky/BDSM pet peeves? If so, what are they?

Age/appearance discrimination. God, is that a big one for me. Generally speaking, the BDSM community is very accepting of others, regardless of shape, size, and general stature. However, if you appear young and small, some people assume "submissive, inexperienced." It's truly a shame. As someone who is extremely short, and very youthful in looks, it gets very aggravating to have to constantly correct people. No, I'm not submissive. No, I am not inexperienced. Yes, I am fully aware of my interests, likes, and dislikes. Yes, I know what I want from a relationship. I would not have a problem with correcting people so much if they actually accepted what I told them as truth and nothing else. I'm the type of person that dislikes it when people make assumptions, period. There's no reason to, and it's honestly unnecessary. It's better to ask what a person identifies as and accept them as such than to assume their identity based on their appearance.

After all, "Assume makes an ass out of you and me."

30 Days of Kink: Misconceptions

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Day 17: What misconception about kinky people would you most like to clear up?

I sort of put answering this one off because it was a little hard for me. There are tons of misconceptions made about kinksters/fetishists by vanilla people that I just find to be absolutely absurd and horrible. I once came out to someone as being a full-time Dominant, and they thought that I was going to go "Texas Chainsaw Massacre" on them. That's a little out of line, even for me, and almost offensive. It makes me upset, and makes me understand just why people are so afraid of the kink community—they just don't understand it, whatsoever. There was actually a discussion on Eden Kink (my good friend VieuxCarre's group) about this very thing: misconceptions.

The one misconception that I believe needs to be addressed the most is that people who are into kink are all messed up in the mind and are secretly psycho killers. I'm sure that this may be true for some individuals who are into kink, as it's true for people who are vanilla as well. But that doesn't mean that every single one of us is a certified psychopath. I think that the reason why people think this way about most kinksters/fetishists is because BDSM just isn't something that they're used to. They see people being beat, cut into, made to cry, and put into states of humiliation and think that it's wrong because they don't see it the way that people into BDSM do. It's like tons of other things in the world that were shunned out of being misunderstood, including people of different skin tones, sexualities, and genders.

Though I'm sure that a lot of people would disagree with me and say that it simply "isn't the same," but I feel that it certainly is. Discrimination is discrimination, and most people who think that others are crazy or insane for being who or what they are is because they are discriminatory. If people were to look at it through that view, they may stop feeling that what people who are into BDSM do is so "crazy" and "insane." They might not ever be into it, and I don't expect them to be, but they may at least see that it's acceptable and alright to practice such things.

Mr. Limpy Extra Small by Fleshlight

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Years ago, I received the wonderful Mr. Right packer. But alas, lately I've been feeling that having the look of a boner throughout the day is simply unprofessional and a bit irritating. So I decided to pick up the Mr. Limpy Extra Small so that I would look a bit less erect and a bit more out of the mood. And yes, I do dislike the name greatly. I wasn't too fond of "Mr. Right" either, but Mr. Limpy sounds creepy, to put it lightly.

And here are some pictures of the packer itself!

As the name would imply, Mr. Limpy is just that—a limp, flaccid packer. It's very petite, with a set of fairly large, extremely round testicles. The length of the cock is about three inches (yes, that's correct, three inches) and the testicles are about two. Though the size may seem off-putting, it's perfectly good for a packing size, unless you are planning on hard packing, which you certainly cannot do with Mr. Limpy. After all, it is flaccid. Wouldn't want to be having sex with a flaccid cock, now would you?


It's pretty good at stretching!
Mr. Limpy is very soft and plushy, which is extremely realistic considering the fact that it is supposed to resemble a flaccid penis. Putting my fingers on its surface, I can tell that it's certainly not "the real thing," but it does come close enough when it's under my clothing that I truly cannot tell the difference—and that's good enough for me! Sadly, the fact that it is a pink color instead of a flesh tone makes it a bit unsatisfying to me. That's actually why I didn't purchase it in the first place, regardless of the fact that it's so damn low-priced ($13!). It doesn't come in any other colors, which is kind of sad, because they should at least give the option of something cool, like blue, purple, or green. A green penis. Now that would be fun!


Poor little guy!
The design of Mr. Limpy is very important, because it's extremely realistic, down to the veins and folds of skin on the shaft and the razor bumps on its testicles (yes, those are indeed present). Mr. Limpy has a very convincing urethra that I honestly had to fight the urge to lick at because it's just so damn attractive. Same with the little ridges along the shaft that signify the unmistakable folds of a flaccid penis. Mr. Limpy does have a flat back, but that makes it better for sitting against the skin bare. If it's put inside of a harness or packing strap, then it also lays against the body much better than if it had fully rounded testicles. Sadly, the back of the testicles did have bubbles that seemed to be broken when it arrived in the box, so I've been trying to take good care of it so that it does not become ruined.

Something that's very important to realize is that Mr. Limpy is made of superskin, which is Fleshlight's brand of "ultra-realistic" material that they make all of their fleshlights out of. It has an odd, strong scent that doesn't really go away no matter how long you air it out and no matter how many times you wash it. Make sure that when you do wash it, you do not use soap—only a rinse with warm water and a dusting of cornstarch to maintain its soft, baby smooth feel. I definitely personally recommend the cornstarch, which you should probably dust once a week, at least. It really does help to keep Mr. Limpy nice and smooth and in good condition, considering the fact that superskin does not last as long as silicone does (like Mr. Right).

Mr. Limpy came in a small plastic packaging that was sealed closed. It's not reusable, so you may want to get out a ziploc baggie to store it in due to its scent. I personally just put it on my shelf and keep it there.

To wrap this up, I'm going to show a few more pictures of Mr. Limpy and also a couple of comparison pictures for your viewing and decision-making pleasure. Mr. Limpy is a cheap, great first (or last) packer and it's definitely great for trans- individuals or people who are simply wanting to experiment with packing. Its only real downfall is the fact that the material is so damn sensitive. But overall, for the price, it's worth buying. You can get it for $13 over at Edenfantasys, and if you'd like, use my code B5P at your checkout to get 15% off your entire order!

Me wearing Mr. Limpy (left) versus Mr. Right (right).

Size comparison shots; on the top is Mr. Right and on the bottom is Mr. Limpy.

Texture/plushness of the two packers.

product picture
Packing dildo by Fleshlight
Material: Superskin®
Safety:
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