30 Days of Kink: Reality vs. Fantasy

Day 14: How would you say real life BDSM/kink varies from fantasy BDSM/kink? If you haven’t experienced real life BDSM/kink, how do you think it might differ?

This is actually a very serious topic to me, considering the fact that I've met many people who were not serious about the lifestyle and who were simply playing around or living out their fantasies in the bedroom alone. That's not me, as most everyone knows. I'm into it 24/7, full-time. It's not just a play, bedroom sort of thing for me, though I do like to have fun during sex and I do like to play around. The lifestyle itself, however, is very serious to me.

Real life BDSM is nothing like how it's portrayed in most individuals' fantasies. It's not all fun and games, it isn't all wonderful and perfect, and a Dominant doesn't always come down, say every which thing that is right and exactly as one might expect. A slave isn't always on her best behavior, a slave isn't always in perfect health, they do not always do as they're told. Being flogged actually hurts like a bitch, and being caned hurts even more.

BDSM can be written time and time again, but even I cannot do it any justice, to be fully honest. A fantasy is just that: a fantasy. It's nothing more than what the mind has contrived to be real, what the mind thinks actuality may be. That's not to say that BDSM isn't sexy, hot, attractive, wonderful. It is, in my opinion. I find it to be perfection. But when people have fantasies, they tend to make things contrived and false, rather than seeing it for what it truly is.

Things that are tangible differences are definitely bedroom play vs. what actually goes on day by day. I'm not the type of Dominant who is always going to bend my slave over my lap and smack them across the ass when they've done something wrong. I'm sure that that would be ideal both for my partner and me, but it gets tiring. Play has always been a once in a while thing. The thing that is constant is the power exchange, the roles that we each play in the relationship. People who fantasize or imagine BDSM think of it as something in the bedroom that ends once you walk through the doorway. No way is that how it is for me. The roles are constant, the play aspect is not.

Another thing about fantasies vs. realities is that they never seem to play out exactly how we envision them. Which isn't always a bad thing, sometimes they end up being better than we expected! So it's better, I feel, for people to give the real thing a try, and if they don't like it, stick to their fantasies, because fantasies are very different from truth.

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