30 Days of Kink: Questions for me?

Day 20: Questions from my readers and followers.

Since the original topic for Day 20 really didn't go well with me, I decided to take a few questions/topics from my blog and Twitter followers. The original topic was, "Talk about something within kink/bdsm that you’re curious about/don’t understand." Which, in all honesty, there is not one thing that I'm curious about and that I don't understand. I'm not saying that I know everything, because I don't; I'm simply saying that, if introduced to something new, I would not shun it, and I would most likely try and learn as much about it as possible. Here are the questions that I received, and I hope that my answers help out!

1. Can a virtual relationship transition to "real" D/s?
Here's the deal with this one. There is no such thing as "real" D/s, only what one person defines it as and what one person feels it is. However, there are things to avoid and things that are general rules that should be followed. That being said, I feel that an online or long-distance relationship can certainly transition to an in-person, 24/7 D/s relationship. Very possible. My ex and I were long-distance and we met online, and we certainly transitioned rather easily to an in-person D/s relationship. Regardless of the horrors that went on in that relationship, it still made me believe that it's definitely possible to work out.

Here are some things to keep in mind if you do plan on transitioning from online to in-person:
  • Make sure that you are both clear on your expectations of each other.
  • Do not expect things to be exactly as you imagined them.
  • Be open-minded and understanding.
  • Be willing to grow with each other.
  • Make sure that you discuss many facets of the lifestyle before engaging in something in-person.
  • Get to know each other in-person before engaging in anything that may be considered extreme or edge play.
  • Make sure to meet in a public place for the first few meetings, and be safe!

2. What's the proper (or improper) term for someone who just likes to be paddled, whipped, or general pain, but does not like D/S or role-playing or anything other than pain?
You know, in all honesty, there is no "proper" term for that, though the general term would be "kinky." Notice how I did not say that they were a kinkster or fetishist, because those are terms for people who are generally into the lifestyle itself. There's always the possibility that the person could simply be a vanilla individual who just likes to have a little fun sometimes. The real proper term is whatever the individual themselves deems proper. If they do identify as a kinkster or fetishist, then that's the proper term. If they identify as vanilla, then that would be the proper term. It's very broad, and there is no one "right" way.

3. Have you ever been the submissive in a relationship?
Technically speaking, many years ago, yes, I was. It was my first D/s relationship, and it honestly just wasn't me. I was very good at being subservient since I knew what I would want of someone who was mine, but it was false and it was me doing it because I thought that I had to. I was very young and thought that, because of that, I had to be submissive and subservient. But internally, that is not who I am. I had the mindset of being a Dominant since I was very small. It wasn't so much ordering people around as it was expecting better of them and expecting them to please me. Certain little hints of it when I was a child. Submission and slavehood was never anything that was in my personality coding. I have not since then, and do not plan to ever again. It's simply not who I am.


Thank you all for the questions, and I would love to do this again sometime! Remember, you can ask me questions any time on my formspring either anonymously or with your account. I try to answer all questions that seem like more than just spam, so feel free to ask me anything (so long as it's not offensive and/or discriminatory).

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